The Prison Called Memory

The urge to always want to please others has remained a very big problem to so many of us. We do not like to say no to their requests, even when that can create some difficult situations for us. It is another way of taking more responsibilities than we can handle. As a result, we either succeed in putting ourselves or someone else into serious situations that may take time to clear.

Being agreeable to almost everyone sometimes leads to doing dishonest things and breaking some rules and important principles. It is only after a bit of suffering, and may be some growing up, that we learn to set priorities, saying "yes" when possible and saying "no" when things are not possible or even wrong. When the going was good, we tend to always pattern our behaviours to that of the "good person" we think that we are.

My wife picked up a young beautiful girl who was actually running away from home. At the age of six, according to her, she had severally been abused sexually by people who were supposed to give her the protection that she needed at that tender age. Her supposed uncles and neighbours took advantage of her vulnerability to assault her sexually. Each time this happens they will send gift items to her poor parents and they, thinking they are being nicer, kept sending her to the homes of her molesters as a casual house-help.

For the next five years she had lived in a prison of shame, fear, false guilt, and confusion. This made her to always pull back or try to freeze each time her parents tried to show their affection either with a simple hug or through any other way. She could not help but hate herself. She was living in a prison called "memory".

Memory is that faculty that enables all of us to relive yesterday. That means you can be hurt everyday of your life if you can't forget! To forget a matter is not to deny that it never occurred or happened, but to anesthetize the hurt, so that the memory is now surrounded by peace, not pain. To forget a matter always comes as a result of forgiveness. When we forgive an offense, it means that healing has taken place, so that the injury done is gone, even though the scar remains. To find out if actually you have forgiven and forgotten an issue, is when you longer feel hurt or develop the urge to retaliate, each time you look at the scar or the blemish that was left behind.

However, as you look at the scar, instead of fretting, you develop an inward joy that often causes you to smile, laugh or tend to encourage another person. This is what God meant when He says that He'll forgive us. Yet so many people don't feel forgiven and therefore they conclude that they must not be forgiven. Also our wrong concept about God makes it difficult for us to forget what God has forgiven. When we keep thinking that we can find fellowship with God, drawing on His forgiveness and amazing love while setting our own boundaries within the relationship, we succeed only in walking on the path that leads to no where.

When my wife brought home that young girl, she broke down, sobbing and had her head buried in her hands because of shame. She was too ashamed to relate her ordeal, but when she did, she help, hope and joy. So many people today are living in this same prison called "memory", thinking that their own lives would no longer have meanings for them. That's a big lie! God is still in the business of healing and mending broken hearts.

When you make yourself available, He will actually send someone to help you, and put smiles on your face again. The young girl in my house was misled and her life almost put to jeopardy by her parents' belief in pleasing almost every body around, not minding the implication. Thank God that today, through the mercy and love of God, so many mistakes have been corrected. This tells you that you are not alone, don't remain and die in your own prison, you too can forgive and be forgiven!