Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Staying Committed in a Relationship - A Scorecard You Can Follow



Don't be scared.

Commitment does not mean you are bound to someone for the rest of your life. So what does commitment mean.

It means three things;

1. Consistent values

2. Consistent behavior

3. Unconditional support

So let us examine commitment. Here is a quiz. Each incident has a score of 10. If you pass, you are committed, if not, you are not committed. For the sake of this example, let us call the person you are committed to, "A". That Simple!

1. CONSISTENT VALUES

You find out that A is a liar and substantially cheats on his/her taxes. Which do you choose:

a) counsel with A

b) drop A from your circle of committed friends

c) counsel with A and lay out a plan by which A's value becomes consistent with yours (you do not lie)

2. CONSISTENT BEHAVIOR

You find out A is cheating on his/her spouse. Which do you choose:

a) counsel with A

b) tell A's spouse

c) Advise both A and his/spouse get into therapy

3. UNCONDITIONAL SUPPORT

A is drunk and caught in a DUI. He/she calls requests bail money.

You:

a) provide bail money, no questions asked

b) provide bail money on the condition that A gets into rehab and follow up consistently

c) pretend you did not get the call

d) introduce a good lawyer

The correct answers are:

Consistent Values: c), Consistent Behavior: c), Unconditional Support: b)

You see, people mistake commitment as just support. If you keep supporting bad attributes in the ones you love, neither the relationship, nor the person you are attached to, will get better. So you have to practice tough love.

Good luck



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