Is This Relationship Healthy? Is It Worth Saving? What Are You Prepared To Do?

It is well known that over 85 percent of families are dysfunctional. This means that most families learn or adapt behavior patterns that work against the members being in integrity with what is important to them. Being in integrity with what is important means having healthy boundaries to protect your needs and feelings.

Since the percentage of dysfunctional families is so high, I would have to say that it is normal to have relationships that are challenging. So we are normal but possibly not as joyful and fulfilled as we need to be. We always learn something when things aren't going the way we plan. That is pretty much the only way we learn. If things are going right, we don't know what wrong looks or feels like. And when things are wrong, we really feel it. Our feelings are our sign post for when something is not right.

So if you are in a relationship that doesn't feel good to you, you know that something is wrong and something needs to change. Often, you are not able to be yourself within the relationship. Our self-esteem suffers when we are in a bad relationship.

Here are five points to ponder when you are at the threshold of abandoning a relationship:

1. What is it that does not work for you in this relationship? Try to answer this question with an objective point of view. Remember what is important to you in your life and write down the answer in a calm and collected way. It is ok for you to ask for what you want and you do deserve to orchestrate your own life.

2. What would it look like if your relationship with this person worked for you? What is it that you want for this relationship?

3. This point is the most important of all and a concept that is sometimes hard to grasp. Go on the assumption that nothing will change outside of yourself. We can't change other people and we can't fix them. We can only be the way we want them to be. Waiting for someone to change to make your life work is letting go of all responsibility for yourself. My favorite quote on this subject is: If it is to be, it's up to me Knowing that gives you back your power.

4. Now based on the last point, what will you have to do, to stay in this relationship and are you prepared to do it. This means that something has to change. You either have to let go of the fantasy that the person will change and do whatever it will take to live with the circumstances, or you have to let the relationship go and move on. This will not be an easy decision. It will be life-changing whichever choice you make.

Change is hard. People are reluctant to change because they are afraid of the unknown. But sometimes, our pain is so strong that the unknown is the best option. Sometimes we just have to let our relationships go to make way for new, healthy ones.