Should You Tell Him You Want to Get Married? How to Get The Man You Love to Commit

You love your guy. You have visions of wedding dresses and a tropical honeymoon dancing in your head. You want to be his wife and you want to live the rest of your life by his side. Sounds like a dream come true, doesn't it? It certainly does save for one problem. He never talks about the future. You have yet to hear him mention the idea of marriage. You're growing more and more concerned that he sees you as a right now type of love rather than his future wife. Should you tell him you want to get married or is it better to wait until he inevitably pops the question? How you handle this subject can make or break your future with the man you love.

The quick answer to the question should you tell him you want to get married is yes. It's something you should mention to him once. It should be in passing when you two are talking about the future. It shouldn't be a conversation starter or something you dwell on continuously. You just want to make it clear in a very appropriate conversation that the idea of being married to him is something you really desire. Some men just can't read between the lines of what their girlfriend tells them so they never pick up on the subtle clues that she wants to get married. That's why mentioning it once puts the idea out there for him.

If you've already done this to no avail you have to take your approach to an entirely new level. Some women feel that the best way to get a man to want to marry them is to make him jealous or threaten him with an ultimatum. Neither of these will work for a very good reason. Men don't take well to being pushed. If they want something, they'll get it. They never want to be pushed into wanting something. That's why you're going to make him want it and also make him think it's completely his idea.

Continue to tell your man that you love him and be as affectionate as you've always been. This will allow him to see that you do care deeply for him and it will ensure he knows that you'd definitely say yes if he popped the question. The thing you're going to change though is your accessibility. If you've always been right there for him every time he wants or needs to see you, change that now. If a man knows that you're his and you're willing to wait forever to be his wife, he'll make you wait. He'll see no reason not to since most men aren't tripping over themselves to run down the altar towards wedded bliss. If you pull back just a hair and give him the sense that you have your own sense of freedom, he'll feel that slight distance and it will make him react strongly. The threat of losing something always awakens a man's realization of what he has and needs in his life.

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How to Feel Love From Your Mate

We all want to receive more love and be willing to give more love! How do we go about giving love more deeply and fully? Should we give gifts of jewelry? How about providing more romance? Or would there be more compliments? Spend more time with our partner or send flowers ( men enjoy getting flowers too). Be more seductive, wear alluring clothes?

Well sure, we could provide all of the above, but to feel loved and appreciated we would have to consider the five C's: consideration, co-operation/confirmation, cherishing, caring, and confiding.

These five behaviors, when used together, open us up to feeling safe, secure, loved, appreciated, and valued in our relationships:

Consideration. Concern. This is about paying attention to what someone is doing, how they're doing and feeling, the tone of their voice, and their needs and wants. When we feel genuine and attentive concern, we feel more understood and known for who we are and how things affect us. It's about realizing that everything isn't about us. To desire consideration and concern is to desire our mate to listen to us, to attend to our needs with fondness, gentleness, and admiration. A mate who takes you seriously and who values how you feel.

Co-operation/Confirmation. When you feel consideration coupled with concern for your well-being and feel worthy in the eyes of your mate, you're feeling approval for being who you are. As you feel more and more secure you will keep your vulnerability in check and open up to your mate and others without reservation or fear.

Everyone has a dark-side - those things that are self-destructive, self-centered, selfish, and foolishly wrong or risky - we have to be able to see beyond the surface behaviors and search for the real person hiding under self-destroying actions or activities and look for their hidden possibilities. We can be there for others only when we are free of judging or finding fault with their self-defeating habits.

Cherishing. Feelings of appreciation and being seen as a person of value and worth allows us to thrive and become more in-tune with our inner-self, that self that wants and desires to be close to our significant others - our partners, our children, our family and friends. When we feel loved, we are realizing that we are special and there is no one just like us.

Confiding. Being able to convey how we feel about people and their relationship to us is vital to being affectionate. Affection can be more than physical - it's about feeling and telling others how you feel about them, that you like or love them and you want to spend time with them. By being free to be romantic, kind, thoughtful, and playful, you are sharing and confiding to your mate in intimacy your basic, true feelings with faith.

When we admit in our relationships that we are who we say we are by our actions and our words, we trust that others will allow us to see them in their true light. Our true self is the self we will be when we don't have to spend our time and energy trying to be who others want or expect us to be.

So, if you want your mate to be more loving, less controlling, or demanding - put yourself in that same space of being a loving, allowing, and giving partner. By becoming that person, you won't have to worry about losing yourself in order to take care of your mate - you will be heart-partners, sharing love, support, respect, and security in your relationship.

"Cooperation is the thorough conviction that nobody gets there unless everybody gets there." ~ Virginia Burden, The Process of Intuition. This is what we hope for in our significant relationships, we all get there, together.

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The Difference Between "Being in Love" and Truly Loving Someone

Let's say you are in relationship with two people and you have decided it's time to make a decision to be committed to just one of them, how would you go about doing that? In some regards, it's a great place to be - but it's getting complicated and you know the time is right for a decision to be reached.

You feel that you love both, equally, but also know there are basically some differences - you have to look at which one you're "in love with" and which one you "adore and truly love" and can't live without - you want to make a life with one - knowing you can't have your cake and eat it, too, over a lifetime.

Considering the two people you are involved with - what expectations do you have for your future life? Which of the two people comes closest to meeting your expectations over time?

Under normal conditions, what would your life be like with this person? Looking at the big picture, how do they handle big problems, do they make wise, informed decisions or are they prone to make unwise, hasty decisions. Making unwise, hasty decisions is a bad sign.

Do you have fun and do playful things when it's just the two of you? Which of the two makes you laugh the most and feel light about your relationship most often? How safe do you feel when spending time with each of them, do you feel that you can be vulnerable, emotionally open, and have his respect in basic situations? Do you respect him as he is right now?

Does he honestly treat you like he believes in you, that you are smart, kind, and handle responsibility by making wise and capable decisions? How would life look in three or four years if you chose the other person - what makes you feel that life would be exciting, not boring, leaving you wishing you had chosen differently?

When together, how do you like him? How smart is he - do you feel happiness inside when you are with one more than the other - do you feel cheerful - which of the two makes you feel like your real self and you don't have to pretend or be careful of his feelings above your own?

Which of the two makes you physically excited and more intimately connected? Would you miss that feeling if you chose the other person? Looking into your future about six years - you run into the person not chosen, how would you feel about your decision, would you look at your present situation - what issues or fears would you feel, would you want to take up where you left off all those years ago?

Are you able to talk to one more than the other? Do you open up and share your deepest feelings and dreams - do you intimately connect with one more than the other? Does he really listen to you and show concern and empathy for your feelings and those issues that are important to you? How does he handle your bad moods, those times when you are feeling down? Is he able to help you see the big picture without making you feel silly or stupid?

Looking at the two relationships, which person is of the higher quality - making you feel the most sane, engaged, warm, has a good sense of humor, makes you laugh, is generous and honest? Would he be a good parent, does he like children, does he fit into your family just as he is today or are there fundamental changes you wish he'd make today?

Which one lives best in his own skin? Is he happy with who he is as a person and is he a solid, steady, person of good intentions and one who makes you feel special? Go with the one that wears well, the one who would make you saddest if you let him get away.

"You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and your not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice." ~ Steven Woodhull

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The Long Term Relationship - What Really Matters

In younger days, everything was equally urgent and all things were critical. Was she adorned in the latest fashions? Did he have the hottest car? Were they vacationing at the fanciest locales? Missing one step would devastate an entire month's image.

Something unreachable, invisible, just out of grasp, was always required to complete their happiness, leaving an unfilled void at all times. Someday, they might find "It" and then, suddenly, like the sun breaking through a stormy sky, everything would be perfect. Until then, additions kept coming, agendas overflowed, and dollars kept draining. Constantly striving for perfection, most times they overlooked what was good.

Their schedule was no longer their own. Fighting traffic for hours in late model autos serving as communication central, entertainment centers, and even mobile kitchens, they would text message "I love you" to each other a few times a day so they would have at least have some connection. Over time, even that became a pre-programmed memo stored in speed dial - intimacy with an efficient edge.

As the future became the past, the bills mounted, the pressures piled - the treadmill snapped.

"I'm not happy anymore," he said. He wasn't looking at her; instead his eyes were fixed on the almost-consumed cake with "Happy 45th" on the top. The guests had departed and his words bounced off blank walls and echoed as they fell heavy to the floor between them.

She was neither angry nor surprised. He was merely the first to say out loud what they both felt.

Marriage counseling, frustration, and crying (by both of them): a long road back but they made it. They had tried so hard to do everything perfectly, to lead a fantasy life; it almost cost them their own.

Now - tonight - she watched him cut through "75 Years Young" on the white frosting as the crowd sang "Happy Birthday," no one more enthusiastically than she.

When the guests left, as they lay in bed, he reached out and squeezed her hand gently.

"I love you more than I knew I could," he said as he was drifting off to sleep, "You're as beautiful as ever. I'm so lucky."

His eyes closed, a smile fixed on his lips.

Staring into the mirror across the bed, she saw deep lines etched in her face, white in her hair, spots on her skin, and a lovely, sleeping elderly man beside her. She put the book in her lap down, shut off the light, slipped under the blankets behind him, putting her head on his back and as she closed her eyes.

Funny how things turn out, everything now was as close to perfect as she ever imagined.

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"Soul Mates": Myth or Reality?

I recently asked several people if they believe that soul mates are real or mythical. I was surprised to find that the majority were convinced that soul mates are real. Of course, without a precise definition, it is difficult to know what people consider to be a "soul mate." One definition I found in Wikipedia is that, "a soul mate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility." Unfortunately, this definition may qualify quite a few people throughout our life as soul mates. The notion I carry, and I assume many of you do as well, is that a soul mate is a unique person who is mysteriously designated for me, fulfilling my life and making it complete. With this definition in mind, I ask you to consider my quest to find the answer to this intriguing question.

In the (Australian) winter of 1987, I met someone whom I believed to be my perfect mate. She later became my wife. I had no concept of "soul mate" at that time, but when I saw her everything inside of me said "YES!" We had a brief courtship before I proposed to her. Even though she accepted, I sensed that she was not feeling the same devotion for me as I had for her.

This intuition proved to be true. Four months later, on a trip to the vast region of Western Australia, she left me for another man. I was devastated, hurt and disoriented. For several days I could not trust myself to safely cross the street because of the depth of depression I found myself in.

After she left, I was alone in my Nissan van, sleeping and camping wherever I pulled up for the night. I travelled along the remote north west Australian coastline. It is one of the most isolated coastal areas in the world. To the west and south lie thousands of miles of unbroken ocean stretching to Africa and Antarctica. To the east is nearly two thousand miles of barren dessert and wilderness. Nothing is north until one reaches the wild Indonesian archipelago. I was as alone as I could possibly be.

One evening I built a camp in the sand dunes on a beautiful beach. That night I cooked my favorite camp fire meal - Japanese pizza. It was a simple recipe made by lightly frying shredded cabbage and carrot, mixed with egg, flour and garlic. After the delicious meal, I grabbed my book Illusions - The Adventures of the Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach (as the name suggests it is about seeing through the illusions of many things we consider real). I loved this book and couldn't put it down.

I was sleepless that night due to the pain I was experiencing, but as I looked up at the brilliant starry night sky all of the chatter in my mind slowly fell away revealing a deep insight as it whispered to me.

I realized that the woman I thought was my soul mate was not the cause of my depression. The unbearable emotional pain came from my desire that she be different from whom she was. This was a devastating and yet liberating realization. The lofty and romantic ideal of finding my soul mate and living happily ever after, I realized, was coming from a controlling and selfish place in me. That night a huge weight lifted from my soul. But I still wondered if there was indeed a soul mate whom I was destined to meet?

During the next fourteen years I had one serious relationship followed by a decade where I did not have any relationships at all. For much of the time, I was confused and disillusioned. I wanted to figure out the mystery of relationship. Were soul mates fact or fiction? During this time of abstinence, I reflected upon my experience and met others--friends, teachers, mentors--who helped shed light on this subtle question.

I became aware of how many people, like myself, expend enormous energy in hoping the perfect mate will one day appear and take care of all of their needs. By the time I reached my late forties, I had found answers to many of the questions that had plagued me since that fateful day twenty years earlier when my first wife left me. I was ready to be with a woman again, but in a different way. I did not need her to fulfill my needs and wants. Self-reliance was the greatest gift I could give and receive in a relationship. I knew that my "soul mate" would be someone who was free to be herself and live her destiny and give me the freedom to do the same.

Finally, six years ago I met my current wife Jessica. I consider her my "life mate." We are partners whose bond is wrought from shared values. Remembering to respect each other's talents, beauty and gifts is the commitment that keeps the bond between us vital. Years of pondering this question had revealed the futility of believing that there was a uniquely designated other who would make me whole. Instead, I began to realize that a "mate for the soul" can only be found once we know who we are and are complete in ourselves. Then we are ready to commit, to be open and honest, allowing each other's fullest potentials to flower.

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Variety Is the Spice of Life

Variety is the spice of life, right? If that's really true, then the way we approach romantic relationships pretty much dooms them to failure from the start. I've been talking with a number of people lately about how silly it is to ask a person to choose one sex partner for the rest of their lives, or to choose one gender to be sexually attracted to. Who says we have to choose? The world wasn't black and white the last time I checked, and I'm a big fan of all shades of gray.

For those of you who've read my stuff before, you might remember that I'm not a fan of monogamy. You might also remember that I've been in a monogamous relationship for nearly twenty five years. The way that my partner and I have consciously agreed to manage the chasm between my desires and my reality is two fold.

One of the things we do is swing lightly. What this means for us is that occasionally we'll invite another woman, or another couple, into our sexual play. The men are not invited to swap, but to watch the two women play. So far, they all seem to be fine with this arrangement. We also like to talk a lot about who we might invite over for a little fun. For some couples, talking about swinging is erotic enough to spice up their relationship. They may never act on the desire, which is absolutely fine. If it works for you, then do it, whatever "it" is.

The other thing we do is something I do. It's one of the main reasons I became an exotic dancer. I love the attention of other men; I enjoy being appreciated and told I'm beautiful by different men, and I like the physical attention as well (within the safe boundaries of the club). My partner appreciates me and tells me I'm beautiful all the time, but it's nice to hear it from other men too. At the same time, my partner is a great lover; I don't need sex from other men, just extra attention. For me, dancing is a perfect outlet for my excess sexual and sensual energy.

The topic of bisexuality has come up a lot lately. Partly this is because many men have a fantasy of being with two women at the same time, and I'm happy to fulfill that fantasy for them at the club. I was bi-curious when I started dancing, but now I'm comfortable saying that I'm bisexual. I mostly prefer men, but women are delightful too, and why should I just choose one? My admission of this has encouraged more than one customer to confess that they once got a blow job from a guy, or that they have a fantasy about giving or receiving a blow job by another man. I get so excited when someone admits that! Because the truth is, the majority of people are at least a little bisexual. Admitting that fantasy doesn't make you gay; it just means that you can appreciate the variety that nature has so bountifully provided us. After all, Baskin-Robbins makes fifty-seven flavors for a reason, as I often say.

Variety comes in all flavors, too. Monogamy is a choice; if it's a conscious choice that you willingly make then good for you. That's one flavor. I'm not judging it; in fact it worked just fine for me for a long time. I'm suggesting that if it's not fine with you, don't judge yourself because you want to choose something else. There are lots of flavors, from mild to spicy. You can pick the one that works for you, or the one that works for you and your partner. Start talking with him or her about what you each want. Sometimes that's all you need to spice things up. And if you try something that doesn't work the way you expected, just choose another flavor.

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Commitment to Marriage

If two people decided to get married, it is a decision that needs to be taken seriously and must be well thought. You don't just decide it right away and run to the nearest chapel to do it. Marriage is something that needs to put a lot of effort to work and it is a big responsibility that you have to decide. Remember that when you marry someone, you have a full commitment to them.

Marriage is not as easy as it looks though. At first both of you are happy and living in a life of bliss in the first few months of you marriage. Afterwards, when real life hits you things starts to crumble. When bills starts piling up, the two of you start having kids and then problems rises, it seems like marriage is not as happy as it sounds. This is where your marriage commitment is being tested. This is what a marriage should be and that is being able to be together despite the problems that you share with your spouse.

There are some people though, that would resort to ending up the marriage when they cannot take it anymore. This may be the last resort and it hard to do but remember that there are many factors that you have to think about before you do this. You can stop divorce and make your marriage stronger than ever. There is still hope even though it seems like you can't solve anything with your spouse. I may not be a marriage expert but here are some tips that both you and your spouse can do to fix the problem.

A lot of people have some deep rooted problem within them and they lash it out against their spouse. You may disagree with me but just think about it. Do you have a troubled childhood or a traumatic event in your life that you haven't get over yet? If so, it is likely that you take it out on your spouse. You need to address this issue first so that you can get pass through the bickering and the fighting. It doesn't even have to include your spouse, you can fix this on your own. If your significant other can see the change in you, he or she may even have a different reaction to you. So it is important that you fix yourself first and you can see the improvement in the marriage.

A lot of marriage expert suggest that both of your spouse can have some time apart. This may not sound good to you but it can be helpful. Find some time to know yourself first and you may solve your problem within yourself. People think that when you fix a marriage you have to fix it together. The truth is in order to stop divorce, you have to fix yourself first so that both of you can be strong enough to fix the marriage together. This is important because a commitment to a marriage means that you have to be committed to fix the problems as well.

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Spurring Change This Christmas Through Donation

I get so emotional reading stories on how a student fails to get an education because his family lacks money then some stranger accidentally meets him and gives a helping hand. Or when a teacher was spending $100 for her class just to help her students who lack resources to buy their books-- out of her own pocket! Or how about a poor kid's mom crying for help on national TV because she needed funding for her son's chemo therapy to cure his cancer? It may sound cheesy but reality is reality. And we cannot just ignore it all the time when it comes knocking on our door.

That is why beginning this Christmas, me and my family will be moving away from the commercialization of the holidays, instead give donations to worthy causes instead of the usual exchanging of gifts amongst ourselves. This thing has been ringing inside my head for quite some time now. Finally it will be materialized. And why not? It takes a small step to start getting somewhere right? Or if you want a more cosmic quote from Neil Armstrong: One small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind. Whatever we can do to help, we should do.

And what do we get from that? Oh, not money of course. What we get is much more than that. It is a personal satisfaction, a feeling of happiness knowing that we are able to help in our own little way.

What I am planning to do is to list my old 1991 Chevrolet Caprice in a car donation tax deduction sort of program so that at least I get to claim a tax deduction while getting rid of my extra vehicle. That way I will be able to help some kid get an education while I'll be getting rid of my old car without the hassles of selling it.

Spurring change can be so satisfying. Let us give our time and effort to help others in the spirit of Christmas.

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Sincerity and Power in Relating - Who Is the Boss

I always surrendered control of all the family's finances to the women I have been married to or are married to now. Most people will call me reckless, stupid, foolish or insane but I disagree with that verdict. It is my responsibility to trust and it is the duty of the person I interact with to be trustworthy. To trust is our responsibility. If we trust we will always come out on top - not as a millionaire, or as a winner but always functional, in better control of ourselves and more experienced.

I agree that married women, in general, will hide money from their spouses, especially when she has children. A woman just does not feel secure when she has no financial recourses to her name and for the future. Even when a wife is given 100% control of the finances she still insists on squirreling money away in case of divorce. No matter what; she will come out on top - that is the female inclination, generally. In truth, sincere men cannot win one-on-one contests of will with women - if the power of wealth a man may have is not a weapon in the contest. The wealth of a man, however, certainly can be an object of female intrigue in a contest to win the man.

The husband in the British TV serial "Keeping Appearances" is a good example of a sincere man overtaken and subdued by the intense drive in women to be on top. This husband seems to have been reduced to human rubble, but he is a man of incredible inner strength. That is the difference between stable, reliable men and women in general. I have deep respect for that man. If it was not for the man in that marriage that marriage would long-ago have ended in divorce. In spite of the reliability of the man a marriage may still end in divorce because women in general do not (cannot) appreciate a good man.

Men tend to reveal character aspects of themselves while women conceal almost all their private inner aspects. Women tend to be calculating and distrustful in there relating with men while men seek to reveal their private aspects to win the trust of the female. Harry Belafonte sings, "Women are smarter". They really are not. Women are driven by fear - fear of exposure and fear of being victimized.

Men feel lonely. Men seek the trust of women. Men dare, women calculate and are prone to deceive those who trust them. It is not men who are women's best friends - diamonds are. Now a days, women intend to earn the diamonds themselves by outdoing men in education and business prowess, but such women are caricatures of their own femininity; they lack wholesomeness. I stay a half a mile away from such women.

It is a fact that of all non-adopted children living in a natural family relationship one in ten calls the wrong man daddy. In most of these cases the woman knows who the real daddy is, and conceals this fact with all her might from her spouse. It, all, doesn't really matter but it proves calculated insincerity. If one loves a child deeply it really does not matter who the father is. Relationships are private matters. Once a relationship is established in trust, love and respect it is real and not easily torn asunder.

Wives/mothers, also, (in general) will make sure that mamma is loved much more than daddy. Daddy, after two or more children, is mostly accepted to provide the family income and otherwise, in the estimation of the average woman, is mostly a superfluous pain in the neck.

These sorts of antics by women, however, do not excuse a man from not trusting the person whom he accepted as a mate for life. Divorce is an escape for women; it should never be initiated by men, or secretly planned by men to be executed by their spouses. If men cannot be true they have no right to see themselves as men.

I believe gay men, instinctively, have a deeper insight into women than heterosexual men. Gays, the kind that actually want to marry each other, seek true love in a real relationship. They relate to another man because in a sincere gay relationship the trust factor is so much deeper than in heterosexual relationships.

I, also, do not write this to put women down. One cannot do that because these traits are inherent in the phenomena of womanhood. But, it is often true that when the sale (marriage) has been consummated, one begins to learn the character of the salesman (spouse). If I had to compare the sexes to certain animals I would say that men are more like dogs and women more like cats.

If one distrusts others one is a thoroughly untrustworthy character and guilty of deeply-held guilt. (As the innkeeper trusts his guests so is he himself) Such people continue to make the world a hell and they keep erect the barriers that prevent the world to be a healthy and peaceful place. Not that the world will be ever a peaceful place - its reason for being lies in absolutely necessary contention between all critters to exist at all. One cannot disagree that earth is a battle star - everything contents with the environment (the environment is a hurdle, everything disintegrated, most critters content for power or succumbs as prey to become another critter's slave or next meal.

Earth is also a place of redemption for those who can grasp the reason for us to be here at all. Religion, of any kind whatever, will only deepen the enigma of our earthly beingness. It is not religion but understanding, and not even just human but spiritual understanding, that provides our souls' way home. It is an understanding arrived at through series of battles, wins and defeat. Without experiencing devastating personal defeat, one cannot see the truth.

Somewhere in the interplay between the innate characters of men and women exists the spiritual ectoplasm through which mankind continues to inhabit the world. It is not necessarily the joining of an ovum and a sperm cell but a mental and spiritual interplay between the essential female and male's attitudes and characters that cause the forward march of humanity.

This, of course, is written through the colored experience, insight and wisdom of a man. It cannot be completely correct; and it is not intended to be such. This article is written to induce people to contemplate their inner character and motivations; and to gain support, courage and insight for being totally oneself and support the one chosen with all one's might, insight and trust. I believe that in true reality that is the way sensible entities exist - totally and honestly upfront. It is our goal in earth to learn the precious value of being truthful or at least grasp the meaning and value of trust. Understanding leads to spiritual redemption because our spiritual fall is tied to the fact that we distrusted our true maker and accepted a deceiver as the truth-sayer. The deceiver lied to allow us to make a quantum jump in spiritual awareness and beingness. Earth is the test bed. Those who overcome the hurdles of life by distilling the meaning and reason for being here made boot camp and rise to a new spiritual height as soul.

In way of a caveat, I have not included in this article the criminal foam of humanity that always rises to the surface, politically, financial or beastly so. I am talking about normal people who believe they are sincere and socially responsible. I have no advice for criminals - not necessarily criminals as defined by government, but as the betrayal of trust of one person in a relationship of two. Cruelty and intentional insincerity or power play by one person inflicted on another living person, seen or understood from any angle, is always criminal. Our interpretation of the word criminal must rise exponentially above the word criminal as defined and understood legally. People who insist on always being the winner never play fair

It I said that business is war - that winning is all. Winning is an admission that you are so immature that you must by hook and by crook and through any unfair means or through betrayal overpower your opponent, People with much greater resources and power mow the little leaguers out of the way - destroy their changes to keep a small business going - a business that made a go of it through hard work and little resources; and these people use the income from the business to raise good children and struggle to give them higher education, Such people win for the sake of winning. Win or die people are socially unstable. To be able to help another remain in the game that takes insight, courage. Many handicapped people are helped, trained, supported and given the courage and enthusiasm to go for it and win. Helping others win is must better than to do the winning yourself. The constant super-winners are losers in all other aspects, they are too cowardly to show kindness - they have an attitude problem and thus live a loveless existence. These people are loose flying cannon balls in society. Thank god, I don't know any!

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My Boyfriend Is Not Committed to Me! Tips to Help Change This

Your boyfriend is not committed to you. You can feel it. Maybe he says you're wrong but there are just too many things that suggest that what you're feeling has merit. He never talks about the future, he doesn't introduce you as his girlfriend and he freezes up anytime anyone talks about a wedding or marriage. Deep down inside you know that the relationship isn't going in the direction you want it to but you don't know what to do to change it. You're worried that you're going to have to spend the next few years of your life waiting for him to see the treasure he has in you so he'll get more serious about you.

Before you can change your boyfriend's desire to commit you need to figure out why he's holding back. There are a whole slew of reasons behind why some men are reluctant to commit. It can run the gamut from just not being ready to actually being fearful because they went through a difficult and painful divorce situation as children. Consider all of his varied reactions to your discussions about commitment. If he says he'll never get serious because he's too young, you know that it's a maturity issue. If he seems pained when he speaks of his parents' divorce, you know that he's fearful of the same thing happening to him. You need to take some time to really think about what you believe is causing him to not commit.

Getting a man to commit is all about making him believe that it's his idea. If you push him into it, he'll push back mainly because he wants to take the lead. That's why it's essential that you don't put pressure on him by talking about how much you wish for a commitment or how desperately you want him to be all yours. If you've mentioned it even once to him, that's enough. He knows that you want it so there's no reason to repeat yourself.

Playing hard to get may seem ridiculous when you've been with a man for a time but it can prove very helpful at any stage of a relationship. How it works in relation to getting a commitment is quite simple. Stop acting like his committed partner before you have that commitment in place. If you tend to all his needs and make yourself available whenever he wants it, he'll see no reason to change even one thing about the dynamic of your relationship. Stop playing that role until he suggests you two actually do commit to one another. That means you worry more about you than him and don't spend every waking moment thinking about what you can do please him. Life your life for you and he'll start to see that having you as a partner is what he really wants.

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He Won't Marry Me! How to Get Him to Want to Commit to You Forever

Hearing yourself saying the words, "he won't marry me," is never easy. Those words are always said with a bit of embarrassment and confusion. It doesn't matter if you've been dating your guy for just a year or ten years, if you feel he's your lifetime partner and he won't marry you, it hurts. You question your own appeal and you start to wonder if you've been wasting your time with a man who will never see you as his wife. Before you jump to any life changing conclusions, it's important to understand what his motivations are for not marrying you. Once you have more insight into why he may be holding back, you can then change the course of your future and get that engagement ring you want.

Each man has his own unique reasons for not marrying his girlfriend but in almost all cases there is a common thread that runs through the relationship. Once a couple has been together for any length of time and they've established the fact that they love each other dearly, they tend to fall into a specific pattern. In many cases, they'll move in together and unwittingly they take on the roles of husband and wife. With that comes a change in the dynamic of their relationship. They no longer work as hard to impress each other and, unfortunately, they start taking one another for granted.

You have to break free of your role of being his pretend wife if you want to become his real wife. If you're always doing everything you possibly can for him, he's likely neglecting your needs without even realizing he is. In his mind he has the perfect situation already so why rock the boat by bringing a marriage license into the mix?

That's why your mindset needs to shift in order to make his shift as well. You have to leave him to fend for himself more. That obviously doesn't mean you should be ending the relationship or moving into your own place. You're just going to spend more time chasing your own dreams and needs and letting him see you as the independent woman you are.

The slightest bit of difference in a relationship can transform it. Your boyfriend has to get the sense that you have other options. If you spend less time with him, start making more decisions on your own and look happy and fulfilled while doing so, he'll come to one realization very quickly. He'll suddenly see that unless he puts a ring on your finger, you may slip away from him.

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Making Your Relationship a Success Story

Every human being want to be happy but only few manages to achieve it. The main reason behind this situation is unhappiness in relationships. Relationships is the corner stone of your emotional state and if your relationship is in turmoil, you are not going to be emotionally stable. To ensure that there are no hiccups in a relationship, you need to follow certain guidelines.

Be flexible

Always remember that you need to make certain compromises when in relationships. This is only going to happen when you are flexible in your thinking. Rather than taking everything seriously, try to be fun and loving. Showing ego is not going to work in a relationship. Give space to your partner. When you are aware of your partner requirements, you will be able to handle things in a much better way. Your relationship is only going to be fruitful when both partners are in same wavelength and there is no confusion.

Admit to your mistakes

One of the best methods to break a deadlock in a relationship is to get rid of all the arguments immediately. Even if it is not your mistake, try to solve the issues rather than discussing it over and over again. By admitting your mistakes, you will create a positive impression on the mind of your partner. When admitting your mistakes, be polite and handle all the matters in a positive manner.

Express your feelings

In a relationship, it is quite vital that you express your feelings in a proper way. If your relationship is new, you need to come up with the routines that interest your partner. It can be anything right from going to a movie, doing some adventure thing or making delicious dishes at home. As time passes by and you get to know about your partner likes and dislikes, it is your responsibility to come up with something new. After all, life gets boring when there is repetition in a relationship.

Few Tips to make your relationship successful

First and foremost, start using the word "we" rather than "I". It gives a sense of cohesiveness which is very important for a long-term relationship. When your partner is discussing something with you, don't ignore it even if it does not excite you. To give your relationship a more solid look, marriage is the best option. But before you do that, be clear in your mind because there is bound to be some changes in life after a marriage.

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How To Take Things Slow In A New Relationship

The one thing many people do when they find their perfect match is to rush things. This seems to be more common for people that have been alone for some time and are just enthusiastic about having a romantic interest or for people that constantly feel as though they need a companion so that they are not alone.

The first thing you will want to do is sit back and have a conversation with yourself about what it is exactly you expect from the relationship. Do you want a short-term relationship, a long-term relationship without getting married for several years or do you want the relationship to result in marriage? Whatever it is, you need to make a decision and if you haven't already discussed this subject with your new partner, you really should as soon as possible.

Sex is the next subject for conversation you will need to have with yourself. You should know that if you are just looking for something short-term then sex early on in the relationship doesn't really seem to matter one way or another but should you want to date someone long term, it is highly recommended that you refrain from having sex for at least a few dates. Sex can often be the one thing to drive a couple apart and end a relationship. A relationship that is first built on emotional attachment has a higher survival rate than relationships that have couples get intimate too quickly. So bottom line is that if you really like someone and care about them, you should refrain from sex until you have a monogamous relationship and when you have had plenty of dates to make for a deeper emotional connection.

The other major concern for sex in a new relationship is contraception. I know you don't need a lecture on practicing safe sex but you really should take preventative measures to not only protect against a surprise pregnancy but also to protect yourself and your new partner from any STDs.

If one of you wants to move the relationship along faster, then this needs to be discussed at an appropriate place and when not under the influence of alcohol or drugs. You should have a clear and sound mind for this discussion because you will need to find out if both you and your significant other are on the same page. If not, you need to decide whether this relationship needs to end.

If you feel a strong bond with your new partner you should really take your time just dating before rushing into a marriage. I know that there are plenty of people out there that will say they married their significant other after only knowing one another for a few weeks or even a month or two. For every one of those couples you hear that are still together after a shotgun romance you will find many more that ended in a divorce. Enjoy your time as a couple and set a relationship pace that is not too fast and not too slow. Ideally some matchmaker experts such as Patti Stanger from "The Millionaire Matchmaker", suggest that if a man doesn't propose within a year, then you need to leave the relationship. This can sometimes be a good suggestion especially for men and women that are 30+. If you are in your 20's then there is certainly no need to expect an engagement within a year. And of course if you never wish to get married, well then this suggestion doesn't apply to you. You will get the most out of your relationship if you let it grow at a moderate pace.

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Her Love Is Your Reason To Survive

When the lightning struck you, you very well know from that moment that it was worth pursuing. It happened in blink of an eye but you captured the moment and the spark, you felt it all over your body. That was it, an invitation that you did not reject but instead open yourself to the opportunity being presented before you. You asked her name and you enjoyed your coffee that day. It was more than an ordinary day in the coffee shop!

You were filled with excitement when you bid each other goodbye. Of course you expect that he will ask you again when you can have another cup of coffee together or just stroll along the park. You cannot stop yourself from thinking what to do when you see each other again and anticipating what other things you can do the next time you go out with him. This time you are feeling differently than just excitement.

You are stepping up the ladder of a deeper feeling from just being excited. This feeling that is coming from deep inside you is totally remarkable, it's consuming you and you like to dwell in it for the longest possible time. You are becoming more aware now that without him things will never be the same. You share everything about you to her, your breath is her presence and your life is now an extension of hers, without her life is not worth living.

What more can you ask if the one that fills your life with happiness is just right beside you. That spark, now love is the zenith of a very ordinary acquaintance. What makes it extra ordinary is you now have her as the reason to exist. She is the sole reason that you continue to survive.

And so you are now keeping that love alive. Come what may you will remain steadfast, for with this love you will your life will never be the same. You can surpass every strife because your strength is her love.

You may be experiencing the exact opposite of what you read, compose yourself and acknowledge the fact. That is not the end for you. You can win her back and spend the rest of your life with her.

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How to Get a Man to Move From Casual to Committed? Learn How to Finally Get Him to Commit to You

Very few women are okay with casual dating. Most of them believe that if a man doesn't commit, the there must be something wrong. If you want to snap out of casual dating and turn your relationship into something more long-lasting, here's how to make him commit:

Let him behold your beauty.

Men will always be admirers of physical beauty. This is, in fact, the very first aspect that made them attracted to any woman. So if you want him to commit to you, at least prove to him that you'd always look pretty for him.

Have a mind that enthralls.

Being beautiful is good but what's more admirable is for a woman to possess an intelligent mind. Let him know that you just don't have a pretty face but also a brain that would make many girls give up because you're obviously the best.

Be confident and a lot of people would think highly of you.

A woman who can make heads turn can be quite common - look at all the supermodels on runways. But what would make you stand out from a room that's full of equally beautiful women? Be constantly self-assured and never let a moment of anger take away your pleasant demeanor.

Be gentle yet naughty.

It pays to be feminine in all aspects but it's also as important to show a bit of your naughty side every once in a while. Your sudden naughtiness should surprise your man and he is sure to like this side of you. A man would want to commit to a woman who knows how to balance her personality.

Don an aura of mystery.

Always remember that men fall for women who have a mystifying aura about them. They are the type of women who make spur-of-the-moment decisions. Being unpredictable is exciting for any man, therefore, this is the type of woman that they would want to commit to - one that wouldn't give in to monotony.

Have a pleasing persona.

You must have the necessary virtues in a woman - honesty and faithfulness. Men don't want treacherous women and so you must prove to him early on in your relationship that you're not the type who would have two or three boyfriends all at the same time.

Restrain any negative emotion.

Showing anger and frustration is quite normal for any human being - what's wrong is if you let these things overpower you. If you start yelling or demeaning your man, then he has just seen what you would constantly be in two to three years. If you want him to commit, then let him see that you are always in control of your feelings.

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Knowing Who to Marry and If the Timing Is Right

Getting married is a big decision and should not be taken lightly. Many times knowing who to marry and making the right choice can become a drawn out situation. Is there any way you can really know who to marry and if the timing will ever be right?

Sometimes when you have been in a relationship for a long time you start to take each other for granted. You are so in tune with each other that you don't have to ask questions, you just know the right thing to do and when to do it.

Problems occur when you decide it is time to make a change in your relationship. This often happens if you are thinking about getting married after having been together for a number of years. The thought of marriage can make you look at your relationship differently and make you wonder if you are marrying the right person. How do you know who to marry?

What you must remember is that you currently trust and love this person. Now is not the time to start doubting that. Marriage should be contemplated as a way of making your relationship stronger together. It should not be making you think about ending your time together.

Yes, marriage can be seen as scary, but only because it echoes of permanency. If you have been happy together as a couple then this should be seen as a step towards the future. Building a home together and possibly bringing a family into this world.

It is perfectly normally and healthy to wonder about who to marry and if you are making the right choice. There is never a perfect time to get married unless you have special circumstances. Reasons which you would delay getting married would be if you have family that live overseas and you have to ensure that they are able to make it for your wedding.

Otherwise just pick the time of year you would like to get married and start making arrangements. While making your wedding plans you should have no doubts about who to marry anymore, and should enjoy this once in a life time experience.

If you find yourself really debating about who to marry and why, then you need to take a step back and look at your relationship more closely. What is it that is making you have so much doubt? You will have to be brutally honest with yourself. Once you have pinpointed the reason, you will have a much better understanding about why you are worrying about who to marry.

You may not like your answer at all. Possibly you have been keeping up appearances in a relationship just to have company or because it was the easy way out. Now that the time has come to possibly make this relationship permanent, the worries and fears are coming out.

You will need to face the situation and be honest with your partner. It will then be much easier to know who to marry and that the time is in fact perfect.

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Fear Of Commitment - A Past Life Case Study

"But off course" you may say "all men are afraid of commitment and by the time I drag him to the alter I'll be 80...". So, first off, you can always get a new body and start fresh in your next incarnation, in case you won't marry by 80... secondly, usually there is a good reason when someone is terrified of commitment and it's usually buried a few centuries back, in a past LIFE.

Helen had an interesting one: smart, charming, attractive, full of life 28 years old woman. Her loving man, of the past 3 years, doesn't want to get married. Her circle of friends is divided into two groups: Those who say "he'll ripen with time" and the other who says: "send him to hell and get a serious one".

I asked her to relax her body, her breath and imagine a white light gradually filling up her body. She started relaxing and I could sense there's a great story awaiting us because her openness to deal with the situation.

She started by describing a small Louisiana town in 1853. She is happily married and has 3 kids. Who is she married to? You got it right, to our stubborn marriage-refusing guy. They love each other a lot. Great deal of affection in the morning, when the husband leaves for work and a warm welcoming wife and model mom, when he returns home at night. His job id delivering water all around the county, in his wagon.

One night he is unusually late. The wife's heart hints something is wrong. A knock on the door confirms the worst. The husband was killed. He happened to drive by a local pub, while two drunken men got into a gun fight.

The wife collapses, when she hears the details. Later, she raises the kids on her own, dealing with the hardship and pain. She never hooked up with another man. Something inside her died with him.

She dies at 70. I asked her what did she intend to learn in Louisiana. She replied:" emotional dependency". She had to keep on living despite the fact she lost her bigger-than-life love. I asked her to ascend to the light and tell me what happens after she left her old body behind. She described a heartfelt reunion with the soul that was her husband in Louisiana. She could re experience their wonderful love. She said she is so happy, like "floating in the air...".

I explained that after we die, we have a wider perspective of the life we just left, and of our current situation. I asked her to shed some light on her relationship today.

She said they had incarnated together many times before, working on different lessons. In the current life, the guy does have a fear stemming from the Louisiana life. She realized he is afraid of marrying her this time around, dying at a young age again, leaving her behind, emotionally wrecked. Alive but dead on the inside. So his fear of commitment is not about losing his freedom but an attempt to protect her.

We did a retro healing; releasing her from the emotional dependency she experienced in 1853, reassuring her she can and will move on if something happens to him.

When she opened her eyes she was shocked. Now she could see the situation in a whole new light. They did meet before, had a great loving relationship that was lost in a split second and it's not that the guy doesn't love her enough; he loves her too much...

A few months later I got a phone call from her telling me the set their wedding date for next spring.

I wished them great love and luck.

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How to Make Him Marry You - Tips to Get Your Guy to Commit to You Forever

You want to know how to make him marry you. You consider yourself patient but when it comes to waiting for a marriage proposal, you're beginning to question whether or not it will ever arrive. You two have been together for awhile and you've made the assumption that marriage would be the next logical step. But he's yet to pop the question and he never really brings the subject up himself. Now you're starting to wonder if marriage is on your horizon at all. You want things to move to a more serious place so it's up to you to make that happen. If your man isn't falling over himself trying to get you to commit to him, you have to give him a subtle push or two in the right direction.

When you are trying to understand how to make him marry you consider what is holding him back. Men have reservations about a serious commitment like marriage for several reasons. For some men they are still reeling from their parents' divorce years before. Other men just don't feel they are in a stable place financially. Consider what your man has said in relation to marriage when you two have discussed it in the past. This will help you identify what is causing him to hesitate. Once you know what that is you can then deal with things directly.

If he's fearful because he never got over his parents splitting up, you have to ensure that he understands that you have the best intentions. Talk frequently about how serious a commitment you believe marriage is. Tell him that you believe that when a couple marries they have to give it their all in terms of trying to make the relationship work. If he sees that you aren't going into marriage with the option of divorce in the back of your mind that will help bring him comfort and peace of mind.

Finances are often the motivating factor behind a man proposing to a woman. If he feels good about being able to afford the ring and is confident he can contribute to the family budget, he'll want to take that step. Some men worry that eventually they'll be solely responsible for supporting the entire family. If your guy has made mention of that scenario, make it clear that you intend to be an equal partner in all aspects of your future marriage, including finances. If he knows you're content with your job and have no intention of leaving it that will help quiet his concerns.

Continue to always tell him how much he means to you as you work towards getting him to commit to you forever. If he feels he has your unwavering support going forward he'll be much more willing to open himself up and take that plunge with you.

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Is It Proper To Kiss When In Courtship?

This question is on the lips of all young single adults that have been counseled or coached to avoid any form of intimacies while dating. If we cannot kiss while dating, the question now is if we are in courtship which is a deeper relationship, should we not, at least kiss? One can on a cursory note simply say, it is not appropriate to kiss while in a courtship. However, it would be so simplistic as to leave the inquiring young man or woman confused or even in defiance. After all, kissing is a way of showing affection and the courtship stage in a relationship involves the deepening of connectedness and affection.

Are there cogent reasons why kissing should not be a part of the courtship stage in a relationship? To kiss is to touch somebody or something with the lips gently or passionately. The passionate angle to kissing is an ouster clause for kissing from the courtship stage of a relationship. Such passionate expressions are only allowed in legal and lawful marriage relationship. Passionate kissing is an intimate sexual expression.

Here are some reasons why it is inappropriate to kiss when in courtship"

� Courtship is not marriage - One of the challenges we face on this issue is to pretend that we can get away with some acts because we think we are almost there. Courtship is not marriage. It would never be. Courtship can be called off without much pain. Moreover, kissing as passionate and intimate act is reserved for married couples.

� Passionate kissing and the fire it ignites are usually uncontrollable - We usually start with a feeling that we can kiss passionately and still avoid penetration sexual intercourse. Experience has, however, shown that when you start kissing, all guards are lost, control is loosened and all caution flies out through the window. If you manage to escape degenerating into full-scale penetration sex on the first day, you would rarely miss full sexual intercourse the next day. There is no doubt that there are many out there with the experience, mostly regrettable one, to prove the point that is being made here. Many girls would recall when the boys would ask for only one kiss and they have ended up in penetration sex where they have lost their virtue and felt used and dumped.

� Passionate kissing outside marriage is immorality - Many of us feel that penetration sex is the only instance when morality has been compromised. Let it be known that there is none morally pure who is involved in passionate kissing in their relationship outside legal and lawful marriage. If you doubt this statement, a search of the conscience would tell you that it is not right. What we have is a bunch of people who are struggling to put down a conscience that is telling them that they are going or have gone overboard.

� Even light kissing is unsafe - Those who argue that given the fact that kissing is a form of greeting would ask if they could not even give light kissing to their courtship partner. There is a rule of the thumb that states that it is better to ere on the side of caution. This is the counsel that is suitable here. You might aim for light kissing. However, the scents of the male and female body during those moments always ask for more than you wish to offer. Your only security is usually to not start what you may not be able to finish safely.

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How to Make Him Ready for a Relationship - Ways to Get Him to Want to Commit

You want to make him ready for a relationship. You've met him, spent time with him and you can feel yourself falling for him. The only problem in your plan for a happily-ever-after with him is he says he's not ready for anything serious. He won't even commit to dating just you and it breaks your heart. You want him to be your everything and you want him to want that too. Are you destined to sit and wait for him to realize what a treasure you are or is there a way to speed up the process so he's tripping over himself wanting to commit to you? You can actually do several things to make any man open up to the idea of wanting to be your life partner so he'll devote himself to only you.

In order to make him ready for a relationship you must recognize that pushing him on the issue is going to back fire. Men don't like being pushed into anything. If they feel any pressure about committing in a relationship they'd sooner leave that relationship than let the woman bully them. That's truly the way many men view it. That's why it's so crucial that you don't push him and instead you subtly persuade him. You can do that by not talking incessantly about how wonderful it would be if you two just committed to each other. He already knows you feel that way so don't continually bring it up. It's not going to help in the least.

You need to show him that you're the ideal partner for him and the best way to do that is to be his biggest supporter. Men want to be partnered with women who have their best interests at heart. He needs for you to be his safe spot in the world. Essentially that means that he needs you to support him in whatever he does. Be there to cheer him on and encourage him even when he starts to question his own self worth. If he knows that he can always come to you if he needs an ego boost, he'll never let you go and committing to you will be at the top of his list.

You can also make him ready for a relationship by keeping the drama to a minimum. Men view the dating and getting to know you phase of a relationship as a window into the future. If you constantly have one crisis after another to deal with in your life, he's going to distance himself from that. Men long to be with women who are strong and capable of handling whatever problems life throws at them. If you show him that's who you are by always being worry free when you're together, he'll view that as a sign of someone mature enough to be in a long term relationship.

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Get Your Ex Back Who Left Because You Didn't Want to Commit to Them!

Partners who are in a relationship with commitment issues can face huge problems. If you want to get your ex back who left because you had problems with commitment, then you need to know how the thousands of other people overcome their issues with commitment. Its not impossible to get your ex back.

Both men and women experience commitment issues and doubt when they hear those special words "I want to take our relationship to the next level." This most commonly means a marriage proposal is around the corner and when a partner with commitment issues knows this, they completely refuse to face the thought of it.

In all honesty, this is most common with men. Women would be happy to accept a marriage proposal in a millisecond, whereas some men tend to hesitate at the thought of it. When he does this, his partner suddenly begins looking at themselves in the mirror wondering what they lack that would make him not want to marry them.

Both men and women are fragile and they both can have commitment issues, its just men who aren't expected to admit their problems or talk about them. Some people would rather go to another country than pour out their emotions and feelings to their partner, even if they do love them.

The most common reason why people have commitment issues in their relationships is that they had many disappointments growing. Disappointments like not having a good role model growing up, or having parents who got divorce and argued frequently.

This makes a person afraid of investing themselves in a deep relationship like marriage because they fear the thought of it ending up in divorce, resentment, anger, and heartache. Betrayal is another reason for commitment issues.

Maybe you or your partner who has commitment issues is afraid of being betrayed if they get into such a serious relationship. Betrayal like infidelity is something to be afraid of. You need to realize that your partner will sooner or later realize that they don't have to sacrifice their own happiness to wait for you to get over your issues. You can get your ex back who left you because of this.

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Signs That He Loves You

Let's face it ladies, in these days, we just can't take anymore crap from men. We have no time to play around and be fooled around with. We value our time and with that we need to know that the person we are with is really worth our time. All women need to know that they are being treated sincerely and faithfully, and I personally believe that women need to be treated as such.

This is because when a woman loves she is not only giving love but her whole being as well. So, it's just fair that we, women should know if our partner is serious or not. Before I go on with the article, let me remind you, ladies, men are not like us.

They talk less and they have difficulty expressing their emotions. Learn to respect the individuality of your mate before presuming anything. Now that I have that settled, here are some signs he loves you. He asks questions (read: he is interested about you). A man who doesn't care will not care at all.

If a man develops a certain curiosity in your life, it's a score that he loves you. On the other hand if he shares his interest with you, it another score that he loves you also. This is your partner's way of connecting with you. So if your lover enthusiastically shares about amazing lay-ups and rebounds don't shut him up.

Another signs he loves you is when he finds your "uncanny" behavior endearing and not disdaining. I have this friend Marissa, who has an odd habit of flossing her teeth while watching television. If some people eat in front of the television, my friend would floss her time away while watching tv.

It used to bother me what will her future partner would react to her peculiar hygiene habit. But I am glad to hear that Marissa has found a man that places her floss near the couch, finds her adorably unique and most importantly appreciates her clean teeth. You know he loves you when he is proud to let you meet the people that are close to him.

For a man, this is their way of showing that they want you in their life. You are part of his circle. You know he loves you when reveals his emotional side. In other words, he tells you he loves you; say his sorry when he has wronged you and he romances you- may it be in and out of the house, it doesn't matter.

If a man shows his emotional side, you are on the right track. This could mean that a man has enough security to open up and be vulnerable. This does not apply to all men, of course. Some men have no issues being emotional and some are just too "tough" to divulge his soft side.

If you really want to find out if your partner is pulling your foot or not, the only solution here is, you need to get to know him better. People show their love and affection in different manners, all you have to do is to open your mind, without preconceptions and without expectations.

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How to Get a Man Prepared for a Serious Relationship - Positive Steps to Make Your Man Commit

After having spent a lot of time together you feel that you are ready to take your relationship to the next level. But if your man isn't looking ready then you need to prepare him for a serious relationship. Here is how you can do that without disturbing your current relationship dynamics.

Look at how close you are emotionally

When you want to make a man feel ready for a serious relationship you have to look at your emotional quotient. Being emotionally close will give you a huge advantage as your man will feel comfortable being himself with you.

Show him that you are the one he can trust

To make a man see that you both should take your relationship to the next level you have to show him your dependable and trustworthy side. Don't depend on him for help always or ask him to bail you out constantly. Make him see that you can be his support system and that he can trust you to be there for him to catch him whenever he falls.

Make his life pleasant

To prepare a man for a serious relationship you have to show him that you make his life pleasant for him. This means giving him space when he needs it, not smothering him, or giving him unnecessary grief because of your own insecurities.

Love him unconditionally

Show a man that he should be in a serious relationship with you by loving him unconditionally. If your man feels that you love him for the person that he is and not for what you expect him to be he will know that he should take the relationship with you seriously.

Be compatible intellectually

To prepare a man for a serious relationship you need to make him see that you are his intellectual equal. Intellectual compatibility is the resting ground of a solid relationship and is very important for men.

Listen to him and hear what he says

You need to show your man that you are interested in what all he has to say. Be a perceptive listener and get the advantage of knowing all about him before he even says the word. This will make him see that you are the one for him and that he should make the relationship serious with you.

Ease him into the serious conversation

Finally you need to ease your man into this conversation. Don't stump him all of a sudden with your need to be in a serious relationship. Keep things conversational and easy and your man will be ready to get into a serious relationship with you.

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What to Do If You Are Wondering How to Get Your Boyfriend to Propose

First of all, I'm sorry you're even having to read this article. If you're searching for information about how to get your boyfriend to propose, my heart goes out to you. His inability to commit to your relationship surely brings painful feelings and it can even put you in an awkward situation. You might even be to the point where you've begun to wonder if staying in the relationship is right for you, or if moving on would be the best thing for both of you. But the good news is, if you're in this position, there is help. We can actually discover what it is that causing him to drag his feet and find answers to your questions. Just knowing what it is that's holding him back from committing will give you the ability to talk with him about and resolve the concerns that he is feeling.

More good news, it's not typically very hard to figure out why a guy won't propose. There are just a handful of reasons that are almost universal. First, he may have some notion in his head that there is only one exactly perfect woman in the world for him and he's still trying to figure out if you're that woman. In this situation you may here him make statements that reveal doubts about the relationship lasting for years down the road. In this scenario you may be best to start guarding your feelings as to not give him more than you're going to get back. You may even want to take your relationship activities down a level (I'm talking about physical aspects as well as others). He needs to know that he can't have the best of both worlds...a close friend who also gives him everything a wife would. He needs to understand that some things simply are just not going to available to him unless there is a long-term relationship on hand.

Have you already been talking to your boyfriend about marriage, asking him about it all the time, making it a daily topic? It sounds silly, but by doing so you've made the idea yours and not his. He may now see proposing as only doing something just because you want it. Now you've got him in a position that he feels like he can't win, causing him to drag his feet until he gets enough time to make it his own idea. Again, how to get your boyfriend to propose in this situation is pretty straightforward. He needs time and space. Forget all the commitment talk and start taking time to enjoy some of your own personal interests. Get involved in things that don't involve him and allow him to the same. He'll start seeing things about you that originally attracted him to you and realize that marriage doesn't mean the end of doing things separately as well. With this time and space, and allowing him the ability to think of marriage on his own terms, it might not take long before he surprises by pulling out that ring you've been wanting to see for so long.

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Why Wouldn't He Propose to Me?

So, you are in a relationship with a man who won't propose to you after several years of being together. Your biological clock is ticking and you are concerned about your future with this man. You are wondering, where this relationship is going and sometimes even whether or not you should stay in it. If you can relate, this article may be for you.

Several years ago I was in a relationship with a guy I thought I was in love with. Though he was far from being my ideal match spiritually, emotionally and intellectually, I went out of my way to make the relationship work. I lost myself in the game of trying to be the perfect woman for him. After a year and a half of being together I was frustrated, not only because he wouldn't propose to me at the time, I was starting to get really scared that he never would. And he never did, thank God! If we were to get married, I am pretty much convinced that we would be going through the messiest divorce of a lifetime by now.

Here are my personal views on marriage - marriage is a sacred agreement between two people to stay committed to one another through their vows. It is not something to be taken lightly and it is not something you have get into based on either biological clock, personal insecurity, religious beliefs, pressure from friends, relatives or any other self-seeking reason. The marriage can only be successful if both individuals are ready and willing to make this kind of commitment, not forced, tricked or manipulated into it. And if at least one of them isn't, this isn't the time and place for judgment. Judgment will only hurt you and your love. Believe me ladies, I know, I was in that place of desperation and I know exactly how it feels. That desperation has clouded my mind to the point that I couldn't even see if he was the right person for me. I was too busy trying to be the right person for him. Why? Because I needed the validation that I was good enough and that there was nothing wrong or unmarriageable about me. But really, was that a good reason to get married? I don't think so.

So I strongly encourage you ladies, if you are stuck in this situation, try to focus on where your relationship is right now in the moment rather than where it is going. Chances are, he may not even be the right person for you. And even if you are absolutely convinced that he is the one, then ask yourself why can't you accept him for who he is - not yet ready marriage. The ironic part is that the only way he can see you as the right one for him and the only way he can really want to marry you (as opposed to giving in) is if you accept him for who he is and let go of your control.

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Signs He Will Never Propose - How to Know If Your Guy Is Marriage Material

You feel that you've been waiting forever for your guy to pop the question. If you two have been dating for some time it's only natural that you'd eventually expect an engagement ring and the title of his wife. How long is too long to wait though? If you've gone from expecting a wedding in your future to wondering whether or not it will ever happen, you've reached a point where you need to look at your relationship more honestly. There are some signs he will never propose that will help you clearly see whether or not he's even got marriage on his mind.

One of the signs he will never propose is he dislikes going to anyone's wedding. If someone has no tolerance for something in particular, they want to distance themselves from that thing. In your boyfriend's case if he gets uncomfortable with the idea of his own wedding, he won't want to be at any weddings. He knows that it will bring up questions from not only you but other people as well. If he bows out each and every time you two are invited to friends' or family members' nuptials, that's not promising for you.

You can also tell if he's shying away from the idea of walking down the aisle if he never refers to you as being part of his future plans. We all talk about the future from time-to-time and in the case of couples in a committed relationship, they almost always use the terms, "we" and "us." If your boyfriend talks solely about his own plans for what he'll be doing a year or five years from now, you're definitely not part of the life picture he's painted for himself in his mind.

There's also a very obvious clue in how he introduces you to other people. If he only ever refers to you as his friend or his girlfriend and never as the woman he loves or his future wife, you're stuck in a role that you probably don't want to play anymore. It's very emotionally difficult to still just be his girlfriend in everyone's eyes when you two have been together for years. It demeans your connection and you.

Understanding the signs he will never propose can help you clearly see where your relationship stands. It's not easy to admit that you're involved with a man who has no interest in marriage but it's much better than hiding your head in the sand believing a proposal is just around the corner.

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Erotic Can Mean Erratic

Is marriage an impossible dream? Is it unrealistic to expect two people to live together happily for the rest of their life and find spiritual healing together?

These days in England for example, couples, more often than not, live together for some time before even considering the possibility of marriage; a very different way of looking at things from say the middle of the twentieth century.

What lies behind this change? Some would point to the availability of contraceptives that allow us to have a full sexual relationship for the time being without the long-term commitment of parenthood. Others would point to a less hypocritical society. We all know that many marriages these days end in divorce. It is asked, "Why pretend everything is perfect by getting married when it clearly isn't likely to stay that way in many cases?"

Another suggested reason for living together without getting married is to do with a fear of failure of the relationship in the full glare of public knowledge. People see co-habiting as having the advantage of being a private arrangement between two people not involving any socially recognised level of commitment and which can be finished as well as started relatively quietly.

Others would suggest cohabitation reflects short-term mutual convenience. Others who are looking towards commitment through thick and thin over a long period ask why get married unless you are religious and wish the relationship to be eternally blessed and guided by God?

Doing Better

If we mainly base our relationship on physical attraction or infatuation, then we build it on sand. The trouble is the stability of our partnership may be unreliable if we draw together mainly for sexual reasons. Erotic can mean erratic. However, if also based on a deep level of affection, we build our whole relationship on solid rock. Nevertheless, even the best marriage will have its ups and downs and if the downs are not addressed coldness can set in. One common idea is that none of us is perfect and we therefore need to continue to change something in ourselves if we are to survive the challenge of living with someone.

Resentment

There is so much to do and there are few rules these days as to who should do what - looking after the children's needs, housework, seeing to the car, maintaining the garden, organising the social calendar, earning the income, shopping, cooking, doing the decorating and house repairs, to name only a few. When one person in the relationship is doing most of the work or making most of the decisions about finance, rules of children's conduct, or family holidays etc. then there is scope for resentment. A one-sided relationship in the end may not work if resentment ever surfaces and the submissive partner starts to assert his or her needs and point of view.

In-sensitive Communication

Some of us are born with `thin skins' and others of us acquire them through life experiences that left us feeling hurt. The result is the same - we read a little too much into what our partners say or do not say to us. Once stung we may quickly feel hurt and humiliated. We then sometimes over-react and there is a danger of a mounting level of tension as a tetchy conversation merges into a disagreement and then even a fully blown row.

Healing Rifts

To prevent a sexual relationship falling apart it needs working on. What is growing needs nourishing. What is becoming routine and boring needs a stimulating tonic. What is damaged needs care and attention.

When there is real love present in the relationship then the couple will each want to make the effort to work on their difficulties. They will each be prepared to make sacrifices, at times putting the loved one first, being honest and open together about their inner ideas and feelings, spending time together - in a word prioritising their relationship so that together they can face the challenges of life in a state of mutual love and support. Does this not mean a full-hearted commitment to the relationship? Unless we commit ourselves to our partnership, how could we get through the rough patches that any living together relationship must face?

Copyright 2010 Stephen Russell-Lacy

Extracted from Heart, Head and Hands Seminar Books

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The Trust Factor: How Can Faith and Reliance Lead to Abundant Living and True Wealth? - Part 2

Trust is a basic human need for survival and is a precious treasure of true wealth that many often seek, but seldom ever find. Trust is two sides of the same coin: FAITH and RELIANCE.

We discovered this "gem of truth" in Part 1 of this 3 Part Series about Trust. In this article, we will consider this truth from a human perspective.

When you closer examine the two sides of this "coin," you will discover and realize that having FAITH in some one's ability to nourish a healthy relationship and RELYING on their character for support are crucial key aspects to developing a trust-worthy partnership.

So, what does faith in someone have to do with building trust?

Faith in Someone and Their Abilities

First, trusting someone, especially with your life, takes Faith! Without faith, you are doomed to live a life being paranoid about every single person who comes in contact with you. You will sense, falsely so, that people are "out to get you!"

You become the person who trusts NO ONE because your fear keeps you in bondage where you choose not to trust...mostly fearing you will get hurt. This is a sad way to live your life and will not bring you to an abundant joy-filled existence.

That is why it is vital to have faith in a person and their abilities, which is key to developing honest trust.You see, faith is the continual and confident assurance that what you desire or hope for in life is going to happen...to become YOUR reality.

In the scope of vision and meditation, realizing your dreams into reality takes great faith and belief before you even see results.I am not talking about "blind faith," where you have faith for the sake of faith. On the contrary! Even in the area of faith, there abides certain, God-ordained, laws.

Case in point: who's going to jump off a 30 story building claiming to have "faith" that they will live after they hit the ground? VERY FEW!! Is it possible to live after such a fall? It's possible. However, it won't be because someone had enough FAITH!

The faith I refer to is the kind of faith lived out by the Wise. The wise have faith that is securely grounded in truth, integrity, joy, and peace. This kind of life-changing faith inspires people to greatness and excellence.

This kind of faith can mend broken relationships, heal sickness, and can help you begin to trust people...even in the midst of broken trust...true faith helps you to begin trusting again.

This side of the Trust Coin will help lead you to discover an abundant, joy-filled life because, without Faith, you find that your purpose is less defined...most likely you may have thought that your life has no purpose!

Yet, it does!

Relying On Their Character

Second, relying on some one's character is based on Truth. Integrity is a key aspect or virtue when developing trust and is rather rare these days. With all of the deceit, slander, and two-faced promises going rampant, namely in the political realm, finding someone with integrity as a character trait is not easy to do!

Reliance on good character is the side of the Trust Coin that helps maintain trust in a relationship. Yes, people have character flaws. We ALL do. However, I have not seen a character "flaw" that cannot be changed, altered, or transformed for the better.

You just have to choose to make the necessary transformation if you want to become successful in business and in life. It is one thing to have FAITH in someone and their abilities; yet, it is another to know you can RELY on them because they have integrity, sincerity, and want the relationship to succeed.

In conclusion, FAITH in Humanity helps to develop trust in a relationship while RELIANCE on Honest Character maintains the relationship's health. When both aspects, sides of the Trust Coin, are discovered and realized, when you take action, you will find true wealth waiting for you and helping you live an abundant, joy-filled life.

Honestly speaking, if you can have Faith and Reliance in yourself, as well as your fellow man, then you can make THE difference in this world...one that desperately needs people of trust!

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The Trust Factor: How Can Faith and Reliance Lead to Abundant Living and True Wealth? Part 1

Trust is a precious treasure that has often been sought after from the mightiest of rulers and kings to the meekest of servants and subordinates. When it pertains to building trust in a relationship and abundant living, trust doesn't care about your ethnicity or race, your gender, educational and demographic will backgrounds, religion, or even the leadership activities you find yourself involved in.

Trust is NEUTRAL.

In the scope of historical events, people, and places, especially on today's Global Stage, trust is still the most sought after and needed treasure among the human race! More precious than gold and silver, once gained, trust is PRICELESS!

Trust is true wealth that keeps on giving back, time after time. Trust allows people to develop Positive Relationships needed to survive present adversities and challenges. It mends broken hearts and eliminates the need for turbulent wars. It develops community strength and raises individual awareness to new heights.

Individual awareness and trust in self is evident in areas like team builder activities, refereed as team building, and leadership development.

In the scope of gaining true wealth and leadership development, without trust, lives falter, relationships wither, and mighty nations fall. You know you have true wealth when you can make relational deposits and withdraw unconditional love with selfless motives.

Being a basic human need for survival, gaining trust or trusting someone is not an easy task. However, it is not difficult either if you understand the priority aspects surrounding this basic human need.

In this 3 Part series of articles, we will look at this basic human need as a two-sided coin: A Trust Coin.

If you desire true wealth, the wealth that sometimes defies logic, seems like a paradox, or even appears irrational, then discover the following 2 secrets to living an abundant, joy-filled life that is assures you will possess True Wealth!

"What are the two sides of the same coin," you may ask? FAITH and RELIANCE.

In the next few articles, you will discover that true wealth is having:

• faith in people and


• relying on their honest character

From a Christian perspective, having faith in God and relying on His divine character will bring anyone whom seeks...the ultimate in true wealth.

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The Trust Factor: How Can Faith and Reliance Lead to Abundant Living and True Wealth? Part 3

Trust is a precious coined treasure that includes the side of FAITH and the side of RELIANCE. As you discovered in Part 2, Faith in Humanity and Reliance on Honest Character are 2 crucial aspects needed to experience true wealth and an abundant, joy-filled life.

From a human perspective, faith in some one's ability to develop a healthy relationship and relying on their integrity of character, this world will be a better place to live because you have chosen to do your part.

In this article, you will discover True Wealth from a divine perspective. Because I am a Christian, from a biblical point of view and not from stereotypical opinion, I have chosen to detail WHY having a divine perspective to Faith and Reliance is key to developing the ultimate Trust...my trust in God.

Trusting Wholeheartedly

Deuteronomy 6:5 commands that I must love my Lord and God with all my heart, all my soul, and all my strength. To me, this means to love and trust him wholeheartedly with every fiber of my being. When I do this, God can accomplish in and through me anything that will advance his plan and will for my life.

Faith and Dependence

First, in my pursuit to develop a trusting relationship with God, his strength in me is proportional to how much I depend on him. Faith in him and his ways are more crucial to my success than mere faith in humanity. My experiences have taught me that, where humanity has and will fail me, I truly believe that God never will fail me!

My degree of dependence on God is how I trust him in a major crisis or decision I have to make. I fail miserably at times with this. However, at other times, I have unwavering faith in his truths and promises, being independent of HOW I currently feel. Not only is my faith strong and unwavering, I realize my faith has to remain consistent.

Relying on God's Favor

Second, in my pursuit to develop a trusting relationship with God, which in effect helps me to learn how to trust my neighbor, I realize that God loves me because of my faith in his Son, Jesus Christ. His favor rests on me because of Christ's righteousness and not of my own doing.

People who rely on God in the midst of trials and adversity may often forget about him and his care because life is going smoother than usual. Personally, it is easy for me to become more self-sufficient or self-reliant and prideful when life seems like "smooth-sailing" and the "seas of life" are not as rough.

It is also my experience that, when I find myself in the midst of adversity and hardships, I am "shocked" or "jolted" to realize my need to rely on God. Why is it that we tend to rely more on God in "testy" circumstances, yet, we do not rely on him as much when life seems to be going good?

In conclusion, God cares as much about our tiny "trust-steps" through our daily lives as he does a dramatic leaps of faith. Although we may think people don't notice our faith and reliance, got always sees and rejoices when we have Faith in Him and Rely on His Character.

We can have Faith in Him and Rely on His Character because His Character is grounded in truth, love, joy, peace, justice and compassion. This consistent Faith and Reliance on God builds a divine Trust that influences and transforms our lives to experience True Wealth.

The Ultimate Trust Factor is this--in my humble opinion--when you begin to trust in God for your strength and guidance, you WILL begin to trust humanity more. This kind of trust is vital to gaining an abundant, joy-filled life!

In the scope of Success and the Truth Coin, having Faith in God and Relying on His Character is where I find my greatest strength, confident assurance, and reward. May it become true for you as well!

"35Do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord, no matter what happens. Remember the great reward it brings you! 36Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that he has promised."

Hebrews 10:35-36 (N LT)

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Couple's Agreement - Are You Clear About Your Relationship?

Entering into a relationship is usually fun and excitement mixed with lots of passion and the belief that 'this is it'. Rarely we look through the glasses of reality - that comes later, often followed by disappointment or disillusionment. Think about what you want in a relationship and communicate it before it is too late.

Social conditioning

Couples ask me: 'Aren't there rules that are obvious?' or 'This must be common sense!' The answer is no, there are no obvious rules and there is no common sense when it comes to relationships. All that you believe to be the rules you follow are because you took them on, consciously or as part of your upbringing. You have accepted your social conditioning, rebelled against it or transcended it and created your own - still, it is your own mix and there is no overall agreement applying to everyone.

What is a couple's agreement?

At some stage in any relationship you will hit disagreement or even worse a big crisis, which in most cases is about unspoken bottom lines that have been crossed or opposing ideas and beliefs. This is the time to start discussing and negotiating your couple's agreement if you don't just want to go down the same road a few days, weeks or months down the track.

How to get a couple's agreement started

Discuss all important areas that touch your relationship: sexuality, intimacy, time spent together and apart, important traditions that you want to keep up, ideas about having children or rearing children, religion, social life, recreation and fun, alcohol, drugs and smoking habits, your important rules, values and beliefs (in all the areas mentioned and beyond), career and job, friends and family, environment, finances, holiday planning, self development, living arrangements etc. This will be a work in progress discussing anything that is important to you.

Bottom lines

Some of your rules are what we call 'bottom lines' which means that under no circumstances are you able to accept them to be crossed. For some people it might be that their bottom line is 'having an affair' or 'bringing up children in another religion than theirs'. Don't just leave it at 'having an affair', assuming that both of you have the same understanding about what this is supposed to mean. Make it very clear and precise, for example: Where do you draw the line in regards to 'having an affair'? It is going out with someone else on a date, kissing someone passionately on the lips, sleeping with someone else or which other specific things are triggering your bottom line?

Compromise

You won't have the same bottom lines, but as a couple you need to agree jointly where you want to meet in your relationship. Make sure that you are comfortable with what you agree on.

Re-negotiation and next challenges

Re-negotiation should be a regular couple's activity, hopefully before you hit the next challenges which will surely surface. Be prepared for the fact that you might change your ideas around parts of your agreement and if they do, you need to communicate this with your partner.

Having a couple's agreement will not save you from further disagreement and crisis points. They are just a sign that you need to talk about things that might not have been clear and specific enough for both sides.

Happy relating!

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