Sunday, May 8, 2011

Struggling to Commit? - 5 Reasons Why You Struggle to Commit Yourself to a Relationship



You have been going out with your partner for quite a while, you have a pretty good relationship, you have had some fantastic times together, but you find yourself struggling to really commit to the relationship. You know that it's crazy, you know that your partner really wants to take the relationship forward to the next level, but something inside you is making you nervous. So if you are struggling to commit, here are 5 reasons why you struggle to commit to a relationship, if anyone of them is your reason then talk to your partner about it so that you can both find a way forward together.

There is no reason why you should be struggling to commit to your relationship, there is nothing to be scared of, it's the natural next step. If you both love each other, if you are each others best friend, and if you are both committed to the relationship then there is no reason why anything should go wrong.

Loss of freedom and identity

When you are single you can do what you want and only have to worry about what is best for you. Once you are in a relationship you have to make sacrifices, you have to be able to compromise, and yes you do lose your freedom, but is that such a bad thing. Instead of wandering aimlessly and with no real purpose, you can now have direction and purpose in your life. You could fear losing who you are, but that would only happen if you relied on your partner exclusively to fulfil all your wants and needs. If you want to build a healthy relationship you both need your own space, time to pursue interests, time to meet with your own friends. You do not have to cut of your life just because you are in a relationship, it's what makes you interesting, it helps you to develop as a person, and life would be very boring if you didn't have your own lives.

Fear of the unknown

When you look about you, you find couples splitting and an divorcing at an alarming rate, you probably know people who it's happened to, and it's possibly happened to you as well. If you have something special with someone you could be frightened of losing it, as change can be a scary thing. Before moving forward you need to be 100% certain that it is the right move and that nothing will happen to change your relationship. And of course nothing can be guaranteed. There are times when you have to take chances, and one of those chances is being prepared to commit yourself to a relationship. For a relationship to grow and develop it has to move forward, and that can only come from commitment. You have to be prepared to take a chance, you will probably have your problems along the way, but so long as you work together and hold together then you should deal with them.

Pressured to commit

If your partner is trying to pressure you into committing then you should never, ever give in to it. When your relationship moves forward to the next stage it has to be because you both want it, you are equal partners in this and one person cannot decide how your relationship to work, you move forward together. Not everyone arrives at the decision to commit as quickly as their partner does, you just might be slower at coming to terms with your feelings for them than they are for you. You can probably understand their frustration if you seem to be taking forever and a day to make your mind up, don't struggle to commit yourself to a relationship, you have to come to it in your own time. The problem about people being pressured to commit is that it usually pushes them in the opposite direction. Be patient with you impatient partner, talk to them about it, and don't forget that at some point you will have to make a decision.

Carrying baggage

Have you been through break-ups before, have you had more than your fair share? Once you have broken up with someone, it takes time to get over it and to work through any issues. You shouldn't enter another relationship until you have successfully closed the door on the last one, because if you do then you will be carrying unresolved issues from the last, which will be that bit worse for not having been dealt with. If you go through a string of relationships, never being able to close of the last one then you will struggle to get close to people, you will struggle to build a healthy relationship, and you will always be waiting for your relationship to finish. Your growing negativity will affect how people perceive you, and it will make it difficult for people to get close to you, or even want to try. After a string of negative experiences it can feel safer not getting too close to anyone. You need to be able to resolve your issues, and most important of all you have to realise that your relationship is not your previous ones, your partner is not your previous ones. Leave the past in the past, the future is full of unwritten potential.

Divorced Childhood

If your parents got divorced when you were a child the you are far more likely to fear betrayal and the collapse of your relationship. It's easy to see how this problem can arise. If a child has a succession of people passing through their lives that they never have a chance to get close to, then they are going to be left with a cynical view on relationships. This is born out because children of divorced parents do have a higher divorced rate than children from whole families. I can see why someone from such a background could really struggle to commit to a relationship, there would always be the fear that they would move on. This is not an easy situation to deal with, you need to talk about your feelings and fears with your partner, and they would need to show through word and deed that there is nothing to fear.

I guess that there are any number of reasons as to why you struggle to commit yourself to a relationship, and a lot of it boils down to a lack of confidence in yourself and the future. If you both love each other and get along well together then you have the basis for a good relationship. If you can both commit to creating the best possible relationship that you can, then you have the basis for a brighter future.



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