What to Do About a Guy Who Doesn't Want to Commit

It must be very frustrating! You find a guy that you fall in love with, you invest heavily emotionally in the relationship, you reach the point where you think that the relationship is ready to move on to the next level, but can you move on, NO, and why? Because your guy doesn't want to or is not yet ready to commit. As you want to move forward with your life, here is what to do about a guy who doesn't want to commit.

First of all are you sure that he is the one for you? Have you spent long enough together to discover all his good points, and the bad ones? Is he your best friend? If you end up spending the rest of your life with him, it would help if you like him. Do you feel comfortable together, do you have great times together? Every couple no matter how perfect has its arguments, do your regularly argue, or is it just a once in a while thing which is easily dealt with? Do you have realistic expectations for the relationship and how it can move forward? Or do you have a vision of the relationship, and everything has to go into that vision whether it likes it or not? And just out of interest, why do you want to marry a guy who doesn't want to commit?

You need to be able to talk to him about why he doesn't want to commit, and if he is genuine with you then he shouldn't have a problem with that. Tell him how your feel and that you want the relationship to move forward, and actively listen to how he responds. Do not try pushing him into commitment as he will probably move in the opposite direction. He needs to be able to realize that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you by himself. If you are going to move this relationship forward then you have to do it together, you cannot have one person deciding the direction, that can only lead to resentment.

If you have a guy who doesn't want to commit, admittedly it could be because he's useless, it could also be the case that he is still trying to understand his feelings for you. Probably the worst thing that you could do is to try to make him jealous by flirting with other guys. A relationship is built on trust, if you want to take things forward then you are saying that he is the only one for you, if he sees you flirting with other guys then it will destroy the trust, he will doubt your commitment and he will question just how serious you are to the relationship, then he'll probably walk away thinking what a lucky escape, I was right not to commit.

Some are tempted to make ultimatum's and give their boyfriend a time limit. Does anyone respond positively to ultimatum's? If you make an ultimatum then you had better be prepared for your relationship to end.

If your guy doesn't want to commit then you need to work out the reasons behind it. He could have genuine concerns about commitment. If you have a fantastic relationship then he might be scared of losing what you have. If he has seen far to many committed relationships break up then he might be wondering that it could happen to you. Does he come from a broken home, if he does then he might not view commitment with any great affection. Is he carrying baggage from previous relationships which makes it difficult for him to move forward. Until you know where the problem lies then it is difficult to come up with a strategy to deal with it.

When you find out what the problem is, then you need to talk it through with him, work out how you can help him, and together work out a way how to bring your relationship forward. If you have a relationship that works then commitment is the next natural step forward, but you have to take it together.

There is also the chance that your guy who doesn't want to commit is a no good, useless time waster that you are better without. Does he get all the benefits of a committed relationship but without the commitment? If he is comfy where he is then he could be asking himself why change, as it is he has all the benefits and he has an escape route if things don't work out. Is your guy actually doing anything to make the relationship work or is it take, take, take. A relationship is a coming together of two equal partners, with equal responsibilities for making the relationship work. If he is indifferent to the relationship then it brings into question just how serious is his commitment to you. Go by his actions and not what he says! Words are cheap, if he can only talk the talk, then is he worth your wasting your time, effort and emotion on?

So, what about this guy who doesn't want to commit? He might be a waste of space, and that being the case the please don't waste anymore time on him. He might have genuine reasons for not yet being ready to commit, find out what they are and come up with a way to move forward, it would be a shame if you lost out on something special just because you didn't take the time to talk about it. You could always get engaged, just because you get engaged it doesn't mean that you have to get married tomorrow. If you get engaged you get the commitment that you need and he gets the time he needs to work through his feelings. Don't push the pace, work at it together, and if it's meant to be then you will continue to walk through life, together.