Being Everything to Someone

Last week had a conversation with a friend of mine where we spoke about the dynamics of a relationship between two people. I feel compelled to write about it because in some shape or form it affects every relationship. We discussed being someone's everything...or someone being your everything. We hear people talk about finding a partner who can share in their passions and lives, while others will state that they want some independence from their partner.

Togetherness

I believe most people will want a partner to share their lives with in the most ample sense. When two people start dating all of a sudden they are spending less time with friends and family and spending most of their free time with their new lover. This is normal. As the excitement of the new relationship makes them want to spend more and more time together as they discover who they are. It's nice to think that your partner will share and support you in your interests, and enjoy all the same things you do... like music, movies, hobbies etc. But there are some drawbacks to that as well.

After a few months some couples look at each other and say... "you're not the same person I met 6 months ago." In actuality they are. You have just seen them through tinted glasses and saw in the light you wanted. Rather than who they are. In the process you lose yourself to the relationship. You lose friends, and ties. You neglect your interests and hobbies. Next thing you know you go to work and come home to sit on the couch and wait for your partner to come home and do the same. Not very exciting. Togetherness can be beneficial if you're willing to keep your lives active and motivated to your goals and interests.

Independence

Then there are those who want all the comforts of a relationship while not willing to sacrifice their goals, hobbies and friends. While these people maintain a sense of individuality and a separate persona from their union it can create a sense of distance and mistrust with their partner. It is vitally important to ensure you don't "lose" yourself in a relationship. It's important to keep your goals and interests while at the same time fostering a connection with your partner.

Relationships should be a bond between two individual people standing side by side on the same path. Relationships fall apart while people start to pursue paths that are too different from their partners. It's important to want to do those things to support your relationship and your partner. At the same time your partner should support you. It's a give and take thing. While the essence of time and how much should be spent together is a relative element, you should have enough time on your own to develop your own interests for personal growth, and set time aside to ensure quality time with your partner to develop the growth of the relationships.

I have no problem with people wanting to be a vital and important part in someones life. After all, if it leads to marriage you life commitment, you essentially are. We are all looking for that one person to share our lives with, lay roots down and build a life together. It's a life together, not two separate people living together. Otherwise you could just date. Being someones everything doesn't have to be negative if both people maintain their identities and dreams. You bring those experiences to the table and share it with your partner and help each other grow into the people and relationships you've wanted them to be.