Why You Should Not Move In Together

I never thought that I would be saying this, but I was reading an article on Dr. Phil's blog which really got me thinking. Normally I would be saying that if a couple loved each other, were happy and comfortable with each other, then why not move in together before marriage. When I read the article it started me thinking about divorce statistics, and the fact that if you cohabit before marriage you have a greater chance of splitting up, divorcing and having a lower quality of life together. I started to wonder why? Then it hit me, and I realised why you should not move in together before you are married.

Let us consider our happy couple. They could be any age, they might come from previous marriages, all that matters is that they are in love. They've (hopefully) taken the time to get to know each other. They like each other, they are best friends, and they feel comfortable together. They have some common ground, they talk together, and they spend quality time together. Don't they sound just wonderful.

Once they have got to know each other more, they decide to make more of a commitment to each other and their relationship by moving in together. The first few months went by in a glorious haze, but eventually their honeymoon period drifted away and the saw each other in the cold light of day. They were happy with what they saw and continued to enjoy their life together.

As time went on the initial excitement of living together started to wear of, they were still happy living together but their relationship didn't have the same kind of sparkle about it. Are you starting to get the idea of why you should not move in together?

Our happy couple had been living together for a couple of years when the decided to get married. For them it was the natural progression of their relationship. They were happy, comfortable together, they loved each, and they knew that they had found the one. Finally the big day arrived, the weather was glorious, the guests were happy and so was the happy couple. They went away on honeymoon, had a great time, they arrived back at home all ready to start married life together, only to find that nothing had changed. Well, that's not strictly true, the law says they were married, and if they wanted to part company it would be difficult and expensive.

Picture instead a couple, who are just as happy and compatible as our first couple, but they didn't move in together. they had a great wedding day, a wonderful honeymoon, and when they arrived home everything was new and exciting. They had fun getting to know each other and their relationship. In time there wasn't the sparkle but they were comfortable with each other and their relationship. This is exactly why you should not move in together.

Marriage changes the whole dynamic of your relationship, in fact you could look at it as the start of your real relationship.

When you cohabit you do everything that you would as if you were married, without being married. You go through all the fun and excitement of learning to live with each other, you become comfortable and content in your relationship, and then what? How will getting married change all that, what will marriage bring to your relationship? Should you get married you already know everything there is to know about each other, there is nothing new about living together, there is no sparkle or excitement, in fact you don't even merit a honeymoon period. In marrying you start a whole new relationship, but you start it without the excitement that would normally accompany it.

Relationships need that initial spark to help make getting to know each other and growing the relationship, fun and exciting, special, and experience that binds you together. You should not move in together before getting married because you run the real risk of not being able to grow your relationship and having a pale imitation of what you had before.

I fear that I have not done justice to, "Why You Should Not Move In Together", but I hope that I have brought across a sense of what I have been trying to achieve. I appreciate that there will be many couples who live together before marriage, and when they get married they enjoy a wonderful marriage together. Why you should not move in together, highlights a real risk that what could and should be something special, ends up as something mundane.