You Can't Force Someone to Commit - How to Deal With Commitment Issues

You have been together with your partner for quite a while now, long enough to get to know them, and long enough to know that you could share the rest of your lives with them. You have reached the stage where you are ready to move the relationship forward to the nest stage. Which would be really great, except for one slight problem, your partner, who you love dearly is not ready to commit. Now given that you can't force your partner to commit, how are you going to deal with their commitment issues.

It's a frustrating situation for you because you have a great relationship, you are comfortable with each other, and you work together to build the relationship, there is just that one last hurdle that you don't seem to be able to get over. And if you want your relationship to develop and move forward, then it's a step that you are going to have to make.

Okay, if you know that they love you and that you're good together, why can't you force them to commit? Because you'd probably drive them away. If someone was trying to force you to commit to them, how would you respond? Don't forget, if you give them an ultimatum, then you might end up having to walk away, or find yourself in an uncomfortable situation.

Stating the obvious I know but we are all different. Some are introvert and some are extrovert, and the rest of us are somewhere in between. We have our unique personal histories and experiences which influence how we view the world. Some of use are good with emotions and some of use are not. Your partner could still be working out how they feel about you, they might be ready for the next step but they're just not confident in making it. Whatever the reason, you need to found out what it is so that you can find a way to deal with it.

If your partner doesn't want to talk about commitment or your need for commitment then it might be time to question who serious they are about you. They might have become overly comfortable with the way things are and cannot see the point of changing things. When you talk, jus talk about it calmly and rationally, don't excited or upset, just make your feelings known and see how they respond to you.

It might be that they have no intention of ever getting married in which case you have a decision to make.

Are they frightened of losing their freedom. When you are single then your decisions are centred around what is best for you, the individual. You can do what you want and when you want. Commitment changes all of that, you have to take into account your partners wants and needs, you have to make sacrifices, you have to learn to compromise, all true, but so what, both of you get a lot more out of marriage than you put in. It's an accepted fact, and hardly surprising, that married couples are happier than lonely singles.

They could have grown up in a household where their parents were divorced. It has been found that children from divorced parents find it difficult to build normal, healthy relationships. They can struggle with a fear of betrayal, of finding it difficult to get close to someone in case the relationship fails. Many, if they find someone who they love are far happier being happily unmarried, than taking the risk that everything will go wrong. Talk to them, and if necessary try to persuade them to seek counselling. Life is all about chances and taking risks so at some point they need to make a decision. You can help them by talking through their fears, and helping them to build a relationship in which they can be more secure and trusting.

They could have some bad experiences of previous relationships or marriages. You need to remind them that you are not their previous partners, that you relationship is not their previous relationships, it is something unique, it is not the past, it is the present and the future.

It could be the case that they are frightened of losing what they have with you. You might have a fantastic relationship, but if your partner sees friends and family divorcing, then they could be concerned that it could happen to you. Again, you have to talk them through their fears. If you have a good relationship together, if you are both happy in your relationship, and if your are both committed to make your relationship work then there is no reason at all why you would divorce. You will undoubtedly have your problems, but so long as you work together to deal with them, then you shouldn't have any problems.

As I said earlier, you can't force someone to commit, you have to take this step together, because it is what you both want to do, and you are both ready to make that step. How to deal with their commitment issues? The best way is to talk about the so that you can understand them. Give the relationship a feel of permanence and continuity by coming up with shared long-term goals so that you are always looking, and working to the future. Commit to creating the best possible relationship that you can, and no matter how scared your partner is about the C word they come around to what is the next, natural, forward step in your relationship.