You're Scared of Commitment - What Are You So Afraid Of?

You meet someone you like, you find that there is a connection between you and you decide to get to know each other better. As time goes by you learn more about them, you become comfortable being with them, and you have some great times together. Okay so you have your ups and downs, you might even argue once in a while, but that's normal, it's what you expect in a healthy relationship, so no big deal. Then one of you decides that maybe it's time to take your relationship to the next level, at which point the other partner hit's the panic button. You're of commitment, what are you afraid of?

It's possible that you have been hurt in previous relationships, you might have also been unlucky in love and been hurt repeatedly, this kind of thing can leave its mark on you. Relationships are built on trust, and if you have become emotionally involved with people who have repeatedly betrayed your trust, then it becomes very difficult to learn how to trust again. If this is you, then if you ever want to find happiness you need to achieve closure on the past. Just because you have had bad experiences in the past, it doesn't mean that they have to repeat themselves. Talk to your partner about it, after all, it's their job to help you if you have problems. Don't keep problems bottled up inside of you, it will poison your outlook on life. Give your partner a chance to prove themselves.

In our consumer driven society if something is broken we throw it away and get a new one, this attitude seems to have worked its way into relationships. There are far to many people who forget that a relationship takes work and commitment, and as such there is a high divorce rate, and many couples split up with an almost callous disregard for the feelings of their partner. I can understand that you're scared of commitment if you are scared of being hurt. No-one wants to invest time, effort, and emotion into a relationship only to have it thrown back into their face. The thing about life is that it doesn't stay still, it keeps moving forward, and in order to move forward it means that at some point you have to be prepared to make a leap of faith.

Are you happy with the way your relationship is now? Are you scared about what will happen to your relationship if it moves to the next level? Are you scared risk what you have against something unknown? Our daily experience of life continually changes us, and as you both change then so does your relationship. You are no longer the same people who first met however long ago, and just as you cannot stay the same, neither can your relationship. If your relationship doesn't move forward then it will stagnate, if you want it to grow then you have to let it develop, even if that means moving your relationship to the next stage. If you're scared of commitment it can hold you back, it can hold your relationship back, which could stop you from finding lasting happiness.

It could be that you're scared of commitment because you are scared about losing your freedom and identity. Admittedly when 2 become 1 and all that you do give up a lot, but you get back a whole lot more. You no longer have the ability to make decisions solely based on what is best for you, and if things go wrong then it can be a lot more difficult to part company. In a healthy relationship you both need to have you own space so that you can see your own friends, pursue your own interests, your individuality is what makes you, you, it's what made your partner fall in love with you, it's what makes you interesting. If you were to lose your identity it would mean that you had become totally reliant on your partner to fulfill your wants and needs, why would any of you want to let that happen? Be yourself, and love your partner for who you are, even if you move your relationship to the next level you still remain you, and the same goes for your partner.

If you're scared of commitment, what are you afraid of? You might have had bad experiences in the past but that doesn't mean that you will not find happiness. If you have a fear of the unknown, then you have a fear of life. The past has happened and there is nothing that you can do to change that, the future is an empty book just waiting to be written. You have to have faith in yourselves, there are times when you have to take things on trust and move forward accordingly. Relationships are based on trust, not just trust in your partner but being able to trust in yourself. If your partner has done nothing to merit your suspicion then you have to be able to trust them, if you have been hurt in the past this can be difficult, but you have to choose to trust. As a couple you will probably have your arguments, you might possibly inadvertently hurt each other, things like that are not unique to you, that's life, it happens to everyone. If you have problems then talk to your partner, if you are not ready for commitment then talk to your partner. If you love and care for your partner and you want to share their lives, then you need to work out a way that you can move forward, together.