The 50-50 Relationship Myth

I remember how it used to be said: "a successful relationship requires a fifty-fifty split of the responsibilities between the two in the relationship". That may sound fair to many couples, you do you share and I'll do mine; here is another way it's been said among those giving advice: "Marriage is a partnership and each need give 50/50 for the relationship to work". Wow! Imagine being in a relationship and only having to give 50% of your effort. Depending on your significant other to contribute the other 50% for the relationship to be a success, sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.

While in my undergrad studies, all team members were prepared and contributed more that 100% of the effort in team assignments, just in case another team member was lacking or slacking. The team leader was definitely prepared to do all parts of the assignment because his/her grade depended on a completed assignment, regardless of who did or did not contribute.

What about in the relationship between a husband and wife? Should both contribute 50% of the required effort to make the relationship successful? What if the man took on the responsibility of 100% of the effort? That way if the wife fell short of any portion of her 50%, the relationship would not suffer. Who deserves to sit back and say "I did my 50%, I'm done for now!"

This is probably one of those controversial topics, but something is wrong with the concept of this thinking. What if one member of the relationship is only capable of producing 35% of the effort? Does this mean the other needs to make up for the shortage? Must the effort to sustain a relationship be graded or measured in percentages of who gave or participated in what? Why can't someone just be responsible for...doing what is necessary and required regardless of who participated? Isn't this what happens in a loving relationship? Two people that love and truly care for each other will trip over their own two feet to do what's needed that the relationship strengthens and grows. Both will give 100% of the effort and if any one falls short; man 100% vs. woman 65%, the relation is still functioning at more than 100% of its potential. How do you measure the success of a relationship in percentages anyway?

If you depend on your mate to contribute only 50% of the required effort to maintain a relationship, where is the other 50% going to? Who or what gets the remaining percentage of what is left? Although it is said that most relationships are partnerships someone always kicks in more than their fair share. But is life really fair? If the job or task needs to be done, it should be done, no matter who reached their equal share first.

In closing, I think couples set them selves up for failure in believing or only expecting a 50/50 share in a relationship, defined as a partnership. When you consider two people spending their time in life together, love will go the extra percent (pun intended) and not worry about percentages contributed to the relationship.