Sunday, May 1, 2011

Sneaking Up On Commitment



Forever can be a long time. For many of us the idea of committing to something forever can be very intimidating and bring us a lot of fear in recognition of our past failures. This was certainly the case when my wife and I first met.

One of my fondest early recollections of Ann was during a workshop on Prosperity Money when we first met. One of our assignments was to list 100 things we wanted to do, be or have. Ann was sharing with one of the participants in the hallway prior to our workshop. I overheard her say that on her list were two items: a committed relationship and a romantic relationship. As a way to enter into the conversation I asked her why those were 2 separate items. Wasn't it possible to have a committed and a romantic relationship as one?

I then made it a point to sit next to her in class since they were also items on my list. A few weeks later after going out on numerous dates, I told her that I was ready for a committed romantic relationship and asked if she was as well.

As I recall she physically began to back up. She said whoa, whoa, whoa -- not so fast! If she was any good at committed relationships she'd still be married to her first husband. Having gone through 2 divorces of my own, what she said really resonated with me. Thinking fast on my feet I made a counter offer. Would she be willing to try a 24 hour committed relationship? She was not sure if I was being serious. I said I was totally serious. Why didn't we try for a 24 hour committed relationship since that time period seemed pretty doable. So we agreed.

The next day, 24 hours later, I called Ann and congratulated her. She asked for what. I told her for her first successful committed relationship. I declared this one complete. Then I continued. Would she like another try at a committed relationship? How about one for 48 hours? Forty-eight hours wasn't that much longer than 24 hours, so she agreed.

Sure enough we made it through the 48 hour one and also a 72 hour committed relationship. What we decided next was to take on a much longer stretch of time. We both registered to go to a 5 day retreat and program together. The entire trip would take 10 days, so we committed to staying committed for 10 days.

Mid-way through the workshop we were pretty sure that it was a bad idea. The workshop was the type that had you really look at the duck side of your life, the stuff that still needed to be worked on in your soul. Neither of us were real thrilled with showing that side of ourselves to the other person. However, we hung in there and by the end of the program we announced to the entire group that we were committed to a 6 month relationship.

Upon this announcement there was a sigh of disappointment from the other participants who had been anticipating that we would declare our intentions of committing for life. However, as we sat down, the program leader stood up and acknowledged us for our authentic commitment saying that so often in life forever commitments are made without ever really considering what they mean. Making an authentic commitment for the next 6 months showed true integrity.

Towards the end of the first 6 months we made a commitment for another 6 months. During that 6 months, Ann proposed to me as we sat on the deck of the restaurant over-looking the San Francisco Bay Bridge sipping on mimosa.

We've been married for over 10 years now. Some commitments are worth sneaking up on!



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