Getting From "I'M Not Sure" to "You Are the One!"

You love your boyfriend, and you know he loves you, but he keeps saying "I'm not sure," and it's so confusing. I have been there, and I hate it! I want to show you how to get from "I'm not sure" to "You are the one for me!" But first let me tell you a story...

When I first met my fianc�e, it was love at first sight. There was no doubt in my mind that she was the one I wanted, and I could tell it was right for her also. We talked, we went on trips together, I met her family, we got engaged. That's when everything fell apart!!

She started to withdraw, became more distant. I wanted to be affectionate but she seemed cold. I couldn't figure out what was going on. She said she "wasn't sure," "needed more time."

This almost broke my heart. I had such a beautiful future planned for us in my mind, and I would have done anything to make it happen. But she didn't want it. How could she have changed, overnight?!? I couldn't believe the love had disappeared from her heart. But it certainly wasn't showing...

I was in such pain, and I didn't know what to do. I had read the dating books, and the commitment phobia books, and although they had some helpful ideas, they weren't enough to bring her back.

So I began researching this subject from scratch. I went to the best professional psychology sources, instead of relying on pop literature.

I found that "commitment," while initially seen as a sign of love, later becomes a sign of entrapment. People jump into commitment because they want love, but once into it they are afraid they will lose their freedom and identity.

This change of heart happens so frequently that it is almost predictable. Starting with the first mention (or even hint) of the word "commitment" there is a whole series of downward spiral things that happen to destroy relationships.

As I carried out my research, I applied what I was learning to the relationship with my girlfriend. I learned that fear plays a big role and certainly fear was at the top of her list. Fear is the destroyer of all relationships. She was afraid of being smothered, afraid she wouldn't be good enough, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of being made a fool of. She couldn't see that these fears indeed were keeping her from having a good relationship!

I learned that there is a basic conflict in everyone between the desire for freedom, and the desire for connection. Finding a balance of these competing desires is essential to creating a good love relationship, but it is usually too threatening for a couple to talk about.

And I learned that social rules (there are a lot) create rigid belief systems in people's minds. And these belief systems clash with those of a potential partner, resulting in misunderstandings and fights.

So how do you get from "I'm not sure" to "You are the one for me"? I'll tell you how I did it...

I used a combination of supportive love, with loving confrontation. "Supportive Confrontation" is the correct psychological process, and possibly the only way to success.

Getting the right combination of support and confrontation is tricky, and is the key. And it can't be done overnight, because it will not be believed. And it can't be done without knowledge, because it will backfire.

But as I progressed through my research, and applied these principles, my girlfriend gradually came back. Now I am the happiest that I have ever been in my life. I cannot think of anyone I would rather be in this world than me.

You, too, can have this kind of success in love. How to carry out this strategy is revealed in my eBook, Partners in Love and Crime.