Ways to Tell That a Man Is Afraid Of Being in a Relationship

Fear of being in a relationship is a terrible thing as it can condemn you to a life of solitude, or an endless succession of failed relationships. The sad thing about it all is that these are fears and concerns that are quite normal, it's just that the sufferers take them to extremes. If you have found someone special, but you seem to be having difficulties in connecting with them, there are ways that you can tell if they are afraid of being in a relationship.

You need to accept the fact that you might not be able to help them overcome their fears, and even counselors might have difficulty. I think it unlikely that they are naturally afraid of relationships, it is more likely to be relationships that they witnessed as a child or as a result of their own experiences.

There are three main groups that the fears come into, and they are fear of change, fear of rejection and fear of intimacy.

Fear of Change

Some people find routines safe and comforting, they don't like change because there is a fear of the unknown. Your guy could be comfortable in his own world and then you come into it and he has to adjust his life in order to include you.

If it seems like he is struggling to make any forward progress with you, it doesn't mean that he does not like you, it could simply be that he is struggling to come to terms with the changes in his life. Things are probably happening to quickly for him and he is feeling more than a bit uneasy in trying to adjust to new routines, such as going on dates with you. If you talk things through with him it will make it easier for him to accept the changes to his routines, but until you do he will struggle to adapt, and might even walk away from you rather than transform his life into something that is alien to him.

Fear of Rejection

This is a fear that is common to everyone. Will she talk to me, will she go out with me, when will she leave me. There is always the chance that they will say no, but unless you ask you never know.

If his parents had divorced when he was a child then he could have seen it as a form of rejection. If his guardian parent had a number of partners that he became close to, and then they left, then he will fear getting to close to people in case they leave him. If he has become used to people that he cared for leaving his life, then in any relationship that he has he will be waiting for it to breakup.

If he has faced a lifetime of perceived rejection then he is unlikely to feel good or positive about himself. Relationships force you to look at your life a lot more deeply than when you were single, if he doesn't much like himself then he will feel a failure.

Does your guy rarely come up with his own opinions, is he almost pathetically eager for you to make all the decisions and decide on the direction of the relationship. Does he always agree with you, and if you disagree with him then will he change instantly to your way of thinking. If that is the case with your man, then he is afraid of rejection and he will do anything that he can to avoid being rejected.

Fear of Intimacy

This is a difficult one to deal with. Your guy might have seen or been through a lot of painful break-ups in his life and it could have scarred him. Having seen it happen so many times he could be scared that it will happen to him.

He could fear being swamped by you and losing his identity and his sense of individuality. And things like that do happen. If one partner is more dominant than the other and they have their vision of a relationship that takes precedence over what their partner wants, then that partner will be swamped, they will lose who they are, which can be a scary thing.

Having been hurt in the past he could be scared to come to close to you in case it happens again. If he's been hurt in the past and never gained closure on those relationships, then each successive failed relationship is going to make this fear worse and worse. Rather than look at the relationship as a new beginning he is just waiting to be hurt. The thing about relationships is that people argue, and partners whether unintentionally or not do hurt the other. That's life, you have to deal with it and move on. But if it's a fear, then it can be very debilitating.

To make a relationship work and grow, you have to become intimate with each other. You have to open up and make yourself vulnerable to your partner. But that fear of vulnerability and pain can force your guy to keep his distance.

If he reacts strongly to any suggestions that you make, or if he becomes defensive, then he could be afraid that you are trying to control him. If you are struggling to connect emotionally with him then he could fear being hurt or that in giving to much of himself to you, he could lose himself.

I hope that I have been able to enlighten you on how to tell if your guy is afraid of being in a relationship with you. If he struggles to come close to you then you know that he has a problem. The only way that fear of being in a relationship can be dealt with is by talking, and a lot of patience. You need to show him that you are not going to leave him and that you will be there for him. You also need to help him to admit that he has a problem. Being able to admit to a problem makes it much more easier to deal with it. At the end of the day it is up to your guy, until he is able to take control of his emotions, then no matter how much he wants to, he will never be able to build a happy and fulfilling relationship.