How to Make and Keep Commitments

First, let us examine the nature of a commitment. A commitment is defined as an act, word or deed that is unconditionally supported by the person making it. If you say to your friend or your spouse, "I will try my best to not lie to you", that is not a commitment. You see, a commitment must result in a desired outcome or act. You may "try" to not lie, but who is counting?

Once you understand the gravity of making a commitment, you will appreciate why relationships fail because of failed commitment. This article will not only teach you how to determine the best decision point for making a commitment, but also how to adjust the commitment to your particular limitations.

When making a commitment, follow the following criteria:

1. Is the commitment I am about to make reasonable for me. Remember the test of reasonableness has to extend to the length of commitment. So if you commit to take care of another person, you have to make sure you can for the time the other person needs you.

2. How important is the commitment to the other person. Quite often you may be tempted to say to someone you know who is looking for a job--"I will make sure I get you into so and so corporation". That is a commitment you just made. Be careful---it is very important to the other person, his livelihood depends upon it. You have to take your commitment with the same seriousness as the person receiving it.

3. Are you making commitment without rational thinking, that is, using your emotion? It is Ok to make such a commitment, but be aware of it. Commitments made emotionally can cause irreparable harm to a relationship, much sooner than you think.

4. Is there a way, if needed, that both you and the person receiving your commitment can measure whether you have lived up to it? There are two reasons this is important is, One, if there is a breach in relationship because of commitment failure, you and your partner must be able to resolve it as far as possible using facts and not using abstract innuendoes. Two, if you can measure it and know you are not delivering, you should be able to quickly go back and revise your commitment and maintain a healthy relationship at a different level of commitment. If there is no way to measure it, you will be at the mercy of whims and notions of each other.

Now, if you are limited by circumstances or ability to deliver on the commitment, and still want to go ahead with it, here is a way to handle it. Make the other person aware that there may be times you may not be able to deliver 100%. E.g. when making a commitment to look after someone's pet, don't just say "Sure, anytime". Make them aware of your prior commitments--e.g. you may be in class all evening 2 days a week. Make them aware you will not be able to handle looking after the pet for those days.