Can Your Relationship Be Committed If You're Not Married?

A loaded question if there ever was one, however, an interesting one from many viewpoints. After about a year of dating or living together, your relationship should have moved onto a different plane of commitment. Outsiders are beginning to see you as a couple - two people in a long-term relationship.

A dark hole I go down sometimes looks like this:

An ideal arrangement would be to marry - especially if children are involved. That, by the way, is a very personal opinion, not etched in stone by no means, but don't kids need a mom and a dad as they grow up - a delicate problem would be when your young daughter or son is asked - is that man your dad? - "no he's my mom's boyfriend" - the boyfriend has lived-in for a couple of years. Now that's awkward.

Yes, you can be committed and not be married if, as a couple, you have discussed your relationship and have chosen to make it work like a marriage - not to be confused as a marriage, though.

There are statistics that will show that when a live-in couple marries their marriage has a life span of about 10 years. Why is that, you might ask. Because the dynamics of the relationship has unhinged itself - expectations have crashed the party and co-habitation isn't any fun anymore.

Commitment brings with it responsibility to build a life together for the long haul, a lot of people don't want to do that.

Lets see if you're committed shall we? (These are vice versa questions.)

Do you say "I love you" in a lot of different ways?

Do you really listen to the thoughts and feelings of your partner?

Do you feel secure in your relationship and put forth effort to make your partner happy?

Do you take an interest in your partner's work, hobbies, and activities?

Do you give your partner room to grow and allow independent activities?

Have you worked out a plan to resolve whatever problems might show up?

Have you formed a money plan together for the good of your union?

Are you happy with each other?

All of these things are important, along with several others, these are what might be considered the most pressing needs of a healthy partnership.

There is really only one factor that guarantees that your relationship is committed - are you committed to him and is he committed to you?

Here's something to mull over - there's this couple I personally know - was married for 32 years, divorced for 10 years, and are now in an 11 year committed relationship after reconnecting, but not married. It can work just like a marriage - with all the ups and downs - find the right balance and have a happy life - most of the time anyway.