The Two Things You Wish You Had Known In Your 20s On How Men/Women Are Wired

No matter how different we are, both men and women seek love as the pinnacle of life. The only difference is our ways to love are through different paths.

Men mostly see things through the "respect" lens: does she look up to me? Does she treat me like I'm in charge? Like I'm her hero? Does she admire me? Does she accept me the way I am and not try to change me? Am I a sufficient provider?

Hence, masculine men are very sensitive to the perception of a controlling woman. It is very emasculating to them. How you show your displeasure is very important: nagging is a no-no but sulking is considered passive aggressive to them as well -and very controlling and manipulating-, even when you feel it's them who are control freaks (and most masculine men are one way or another).

While women see things mostly through the "adoration/love" lens: does he love me enough to want to do things that please me? To make me feel special and loved and protected and taken cared of? Does he find me beautiful/sexy, more so than any other women?

Because men see things through the respect lens, they're generally more forgiving and accepting of differences than women are -whose main lenses are adoration/love. That's why women far more easily conclude -and get intensely hurt- that our partners don't act/respond as we would because they don't love us. Men will usually tell us to no avail that just because they don't think the way we do -or respond the way we expect them to- it doesn't mean that they don't care/love us.

If you are displeased and showing it in an attacking/blaming way, he feels disrespected. He wants to fix what bothers you (men naturally want to please their women -if only they knew how), but often women's ways just don't get through with them. How we usually express our grievances will get other women change/do what we want, but not men. Unfortunately, many women don't know that.

Over time he just loses the motivation and shuts down completely. This is when he also loses the (sexual) attraction for you because you're no longer soft enough for them.

Many men have a mistress because of this very reason: he no longer has a wife at home, rather a bossy hard-to-please roommate who doesn't make him feel good being a man while the mistress is all woman in the way that makes him feel respected as a man. While of course you don't think you're bossy at all other than you're simply so frustrated because you can never get him to do things you want him to do.

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